If I Die Young and Cursed
by YaoiFanGirl1990
Summary: Allen was a cursed child, abandoned by his birth parents because of his arm, cursed by his adoptive father and now he has to travel around with a maniacal man named Cross. But he knew all of it will be worth it in the end as he will be an exorcist. During his journeys with Cross he meets a boy a few years older than him and the two of them fall in love. Full Summary inside.
1. Chapter 0

If I Die Young And Cursed

Summary: This is the edited, revised and extended version to my FanFic Cursed. I felt like this needed to happen. Allen was a cursed child, abandoned by his birth parents because of his arm, cursed by his adoptive father and now he has to travel around with a maniacal man named Cross. But he knew all of it will be worth it in the end as he will be an exorcist. During his journeys with Cross he meets a boy a few years older than him and the two of them fall in love. Deep down he knows his happiness will be short lived. He just hopes to live to see old age. Poker Pair, One-sided Yullen, LxR, BxL, MexLB,

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Prologue:

There was screaming around me, well not like pained screaming more like someone arguing with a group of people. All I could do was stare up at the sky as this man with long black hair carried me. I was filled with so much pain and my head hurt so much. All I could feel was the anxiety of wanting to get away from this person, but I couldn't pinpoint as to why. My head was throbbing so much and I could feel the blood beginning to cake where it was busted. Cringing I forced my head to turn and look to where a high pitched girl was screaming.

She had ash colored skin, short spikey blue hair, amber eyes and she wored a white dress whiched poofed out at the bottom, it only went down to her knees though. Looking past her I watched as two strange looking men picked up a person who was lying in the ruble of some building. The persons once white shirt was now beginning to be stained red. Shaking my head and feeling the tears spill over I reached my hand out to the person, their name right on the tip of my tongue. This person was obviously very important to me.

"I'm sorry Road but we are taking him from here. You're out numbered greatly and if you don't hurry your precious Tyki will die." The man above me say and I felt my eyes widening. This man was taking me away from the people who were so desperately trying to get me back. I watched as the blue haired girls amber eyes widened in fear. As I am being carried away I begin to remember how this all came to be. How it all started with that fateful night.

"Run, FATHER!"

"...Allen...I...Love...You...Please Destroy Me."


	2. Chapter 1

If I Die Young And Cursed

Summary: This is the edited, revised and extended version to my FanFic Cursed. I felt like this needed to happen. Allen was a cursed child, abandoned by his birth parents because of his arm, cursed by his adoptive father and now he has to travel around with a maniacal man named Cross. But he knew all of it will be worth it in the end as he will be an exorcist. During his journeys with Cross he meets a boy a few years older than him and the two of them fall in love. Deep down he knows his happiness will be short lived. He just hopes to live to see old age. Poker Pair, One-sided Yullen, LxR, BxL, MexLB,

 **NightBreaker:** I am very pleased that you enjoyed the prologue ^_^

 **Ryuakilover:** I apologize if the prologue was confusing, I am revising and editing an old fic of mine trying to make it extended. The Prologue was a slight foreshadowing scene that will happen later on in the chapters.

 _ ***The Fic will SLIGHTLY follow the DgrayMan original storyline but only slightly so don't expect too much.**_

 _ ****Majority of the chapters are in Allen's POV when POV changes I will indicate who it is.**_

 **Chapter Theme:** I Move One (Sintels Song)

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Chapter One: A Chance Encoutner?

I woke up to see the ceiling fan up above me spinning on the slow cycle. I couldn't remember why it was even on with it heavily snowing outside. But then I am reminded with how warm it was in the room from the fire Shishou had made in the fireplace. For once we had a pretty nice hotel room, but that was because the owner was a woman. A very beautiful woman. A woman Shishou knew well enough that he never once ever thought having intercourse with her. Something about a mutual understanding with her. I always expected some sort of blackmail. But when I had watched them interacting with one another the night before I came to realize that Shishou had to of done something to earn that much respect from her to get a free room. A large and spacious room with a fireplace.

We had come in late from the snow storm and the moment my head had hit the pillow I was out very quickly. It was probably because we hadn't slept in a good room for a very long time. Pushing myself up to a sitting position I noticed that Shishou wasn't here which was expected since he had already told he'd be out most the time. We were already planning to be in town for the next few days cause of the snow storm that had blown in last night. The snow was what was keeping the trains from moving anytime soon. We were told by Monday morning. Which meant we wouldn't be traveling today, my birthday. Well, the birthday Mana had given me.

It still felt like yesterday when Mana had died but it had really been four years. It always made me wonder if the pain of loosing him would ever get better. Taking a deep breath I forced myself from the bed and blankly began getting ready for the day. It was always a hard day for me on my birthday since it was also the day Mana had died. I wore my normal outfit which consisted of a long white sleeved button up shirt, a black sleeveless button up vest and a red ribbon around my neck. Followed was my black trousers and black boots with steel casing over the toe. Finally was the moment when I starred at myself in the mirror. My once reddish brown hair was now stark white and fell down to my shoulders, my silver eyes had a little bit of life back in them but not much. Closing my eyes I had to look away when my stare fell upon the scar over my left eye. The scar and curse given to me by Mana for me turning him into Akuma.

Slapping both my cheeks with my hands to wake myself up I grabbed my winter jacket and headed out of the hotel room. Keeping the hood of the jacket over my head to hide my hair and my head down so no one would stare at the scar I walked down the hallway. I wasn't shocked to see Cross in the bar area with woman around him and drinking heavily as usual. Stuffing my hands into my pockets I pushed my way to the outside, out into the cold and snow no real destination set in mind. I just needed to be out of that room and needed to be where there wouldn't be a whole lot of people. Which ended up being the entire town really. I smile when I feel a weight on my shoulder and look to see Timcanpy perched there peacefully.

"Got tired of Shishou, Tim?" I ask slightly laughing as the gold golem rubbed its body against my cheek. I close my eyes and trudged on through the snow till I found myself in a lonely library with nobody in it. At least it was warm inside and it gave me something to do to pass the time. The librian paid me no mind as I walked by and entered and headed down one of the many isles looking aimlessly through the books. None of the titles caught my interest. I guess I was just trying to distract my mind from the very thing I always though about daily.

"You know walking around in daze could get you into trouble shounen." I froze in my spot at the voice to see a man with tanned skin, dark colored hair which was obviously un-brushed, with how his clothes were my guess was, is that he hadn't bathed in days...or months. I was surprised though that he didn't have any distinct odor signaling that he was homeless. To top his appearance off was the round glasses upon his face. Honestly the man wasn't too bad looking. And his voice was drawing me in, I couldn't pinpoint his accent but it had captivated me.

"How would it get me into trouble?" I found myself asking picking up a random book and opening it. It was only to hide the blush I felt beginning to appear.

"You never know when someone will pop up and snatch such a beauty like you." The man replied and I found myself dropping the book immediately.

"And how in any way am I considered a beauty?! I'm sorry but I think you should get your eyes checked again, I doubt those glasses are working for you!" I found myself hissing as I turned to walk off. I doubt he actually got a really good look at my face though with how I keep it down and how the hood shadows it. I feel my feet stop when a hand wraps around my wrist. I spin around instantly and glare at the man.

"Gomen, gomen I was only trying to give you a compliment." He chuckled giving me a wide smile which I found contagious as I slowly began to smile.

"More like a failed pick up line." I found myself joking back.

"There we go, that's the smile I am looking for. My name is Tyki Mikk by the way. And you are shounen?" He introduced himself after releasing my wrist.

"Allen Walker, it is nice to meet your acquaintance Mr. Mikk." I introduced myself back to the man.

"Would you like to join me in the upstairs loft, it seems like the snow has gotten worst outside so we may be cooped up here for a bit." He invited me and I found myself nodding my head for him to lead the way. Feeling his hand glide into the gloved hand of my deformed arm I allowed him to pull me along. All the while I felt my heart racing against my chest partially from him touching me but mostly from the fear of my arm being exposed. I didn't want to scare off another person. The walk to the upstairs loft was quiet but quick and I found myself seated on the window seat starring out at the heavy falling snow. The roads were completely covered and the snow was building high enough to almost touch the doors. But this made me happy, because I would rather be trapped in a warm library with a stranger than with my shishou who would end up spending his entire time away from me.

"Here." Looking up I see Tyki standing there with two steaming mugs.

"It's hot chocolate, the librian has it set up just over there." He then explains and I nod my head in thanks before taking the mug he was handing to me. He then sat down across from me leaning back a taking a small sip from his coffee.

"So what do you do Mr. Mikk?" I found myself asking after taking a sip from my own drink feeling the warmth warm me up almost immediately.

"I travel around from place to place and earn money by playing poker with people. What about you Mr. Walker you seem a bit young to be on your own." He then asks a smirk dancing across his lips.

"You're right I am young, I just turned 14 today. I follow my shishou from town to town, he works for the church as a clergy man." I found myself partially lying. I had to say something that didn't give away what my shishou and I really were. Even though I wasn't officially an exorcist, just an exorcist in training.

"Well that's depressing does that mean you're going to end up being a virgin for the rest of your life?" He asks and I choke on my hot chocolate.

"I'm not training to be a clergy, I'm merely an orphan boy he picked up and I learn things here and there from him. I guess you can say I'm moreover his tag along." I explain smiling sadly leaning my head against the window and starring outside.

"You don't have a family?" He asks and I slowly close my eyes before opening them again my smile fading.

"I was abandoned when I was 5 because of what my arm looks like. Then a few months later the orphanage I was abandoned at sold me to some circus. It was the place of my nightmares. Then when I turned 9 a man took me in. Only a year later on this day, my birthday, he died. Even though I was 5 when I was abandoned I have no memories of my parents." I didn't know why I was being so talkative about my past.

"Why would someone abandon a child based on what their arm looks like?" I hear Tyki ask and I feel myself pulling my arm close to my body and I don't respond. I watch Tyki as he reaches over and takes my mug from me setting both of ours onto the floor before he reached and took my hidden arm. The moment I realized what was going on I tried to pull it back.

"Hey, hey it's okay I'm not going to hurt you Allen." He said rubbing circles on my arm reassuringly. I bit me lip as I watched my slowly push up the sleeve of my shirt. The moment the red skin appeared I closed my eyes waiting for the insults and rejection.

"This should be no reason to abandon someone. You're still a person." Tyki whispered pulling the sleeve back down my arm.

"Even still I was, most people just call me names like demon or devil child. Then others have tried attacking me. The only people who have ever accepted me was the man who took me in and my shishou." I explain once again allowing Tyki to just hold my hand.

"I accept you Allen, because the outward appearance of a person doesn't define who they are on the inside." Tyki spoke softly reaching out and cupping my cheek with the scar on it.

"Something tells me though that you are hiding something else as well." He said and I allowed him to slowly push the hood off of my head, revealing my stark white hair.

"Sadly Mr. Mikk, my outside appearance does define who I am because I look so different." I say closing my eyes in content as his hands pushed into my hair brushing through the strands.

"Then don't listen to them, only real people would never judge you for your looks." He said tugging me forward till I was lying on his lap his fingers brushing through my hair. The action causes my face heat up and I tightly shut my eyes.

"I'm not going to hurt you Allen, you can trust me." He says and we just lie there watching the snow continue to fall his fingers brushing through my hair. The action kept me relaxed as I eventually snuggled into him.

I open my eyes again when it is dark outside and I see Timcanpy snuggled on my stomach. Peering out the window the snow fall had gotten worst, another storm had rolled in and now it was just a sheet of white everywhere. It looked as if I was going to be stuck here at the library a little bit longer. I sit up and look behind me to see Tyki to was asleep. The action had caused Timcanpy to fly off. His face was so peaceful looking even with his silly glasses on. Looking around to make sure no one was around I looked back to Tyki and slowly pulled the glasses from his face making sure I was very careful not to disturb him. For someone who traveled his face was void of any aging or stress. It made me wonder how old he really was.

Unable to help myself I pulled the glove to my non-deformed hand before lightly tracing my fingertips over his face, memorizing every detail to his face. After memorizing his face I pushed my fingers into his hair not surprised that even his hair was perfect. I jump suddenly when I feel a hand cupping my cheek and I find my silver eyes locked with Tyki's amber colored eyes. The look in them were soft and caring.

I am unafraid as I feel Tyki's fingers push through my hair to the back of my head.

I am unafraid as my head is pulled toward his.

I am as his lips push against my own and I find myself responding to him.

In a world where this should be forbidden, I find myself craving for more. Forbidden taboo and I feel as if this is natural for me. Whenever I was with Cross and we'd end up at a brothel of some sort I always found myself nervous to be around women. I even found myself nervous to be close to girls my own age. So for this to be comfortable had to mean something right? Tyki pulls away, but only slightly. His lips still hovered over my own and his hand stayed firm at the back of my head. His other hand pulled the glove from my deformed hand before he wrapped his arm around my waist forcing me closer. On reflex my hand rested onto his shoulder. My heart begins to pound against my chest as I finally realize what may happen.

"Shhh, I'm not going to hurt you and I definitely am not going to do anything that you're not comfortable with." He whispers into my ear before leaving a small kiss onto my cheek.

"How come people of the world are so cruel yet you are so different from them?" I find myself asking looking back into his amber eyes.

"Because I have been where you were Allen. Judged and hated for my outside appearances, though in my case it was opposite of your case. I grew up in a rich family. I was judged based on how I looked not for who I was. So I left to become a traveling hobo just so I could find people who would get to know me." He explained as he trailed kisses up and down my neck sending shivers through my spine.

"I'm scared." I whisper lowering my head till my forehead rested onto his shoulder.

"You don't need to be. I'm not going to do anything to you. I promise." He said maneuvering us until I now laid onto my back and he was laid on me. His lips were pressed against mine again, but it went no further than that.

"I know you will be leaving once the snow clears but until you leave can you spend as much time with me as possible?" He asked brushing my bangs from my face.

"I would actually like that Mr. Mikk." I smiled up at him.

"Thank you, and please Allen just call me Tyki. I'm not that old, I am only 19." He chuckled rolling to lying beside me wrapping his arm around my waist. Almost immediately my eyes began to droop heavily. I was excited for the next day wondering what Tyki and I were going to do. I smile when I feel Timcanpy snuggle against me and I was reassured that as long as I had him near me than Cross wouldn't leave me behind.

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Yay for chapter one! Hope you enjoyed it. I'm hoping to get another 2 or 3 chapters typed and posted today. If not I will get them up ASAP!

Until next time!


	3. Chapter 2

If I Die Young And Cursed

Summary: This is the edited, revised and extended version to my FanFic Cursed. I felt like this needed to happen. Allen was a cursed child, abandoned by his birth parents because of his arm, cursed by his adoptive father and now he has to travel around with a maniacal man named Cross. But he knew all of it will be worth it in the end as he will be an exorcist. During his journeys with Cross he meets a boy a few years older than him and the two of them fall in love. Deep down he knows his happiness will be short lived. He just hopes to live to see old age. Poker Pair, One-sided Yullen, LxR, BxL, MexLB,

*The Fic will SLIGHTLY follow the DgrayMan original storyline but only slightly so don't expect too much.

**Majority of the chapters are in Allen's POV when POV changes I will indicate who it is.

***TRIGGER WARNING IN THIS CHAPTER

Chapter Theme: Shchedryk-Carol of The Bells-Michael Aranda (&) I Wouldn't Mind-He Is We

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Chapter Two: Budding Feelings

My time in the library went from a few days to a week due to the snow storm which didn't seem to want to end. Thankfully because Timcanpy was such a handy creature I was able to stay in contact with Cross at the hotel. He told to stay put at the library and that once the snow storm clears up we'd meet at the train station. That was two days ago and since I hadn't hear from him, and since the library has gained a handful of other guests. Over the course of the Tyki learned why no one ever plays poker with me...I always win. Well that has to do with that I cheat, even though Tyki cheats himself, but it was fun all the same. Tyki and I kept to ourselves most of the time up in the loft because of my anxiety with being around other people; especially when we found out our new companions were anything but accepting to my appearance. It was to the point where I didn't come down to eat just to avoid being around the people, even though because of my arm I had to eat large quantities of food.

That brings me to another thing about me, I was what you called an accommodator of innocence. Innocence is known as a weapon derived from an ancient relic known as the Crystal of God. The weapons are formed from these shards of innocence to make what is called Anti-Akuma weapons. These weapons are used to fight mechanical monsters called Akuma which are created by a mad man who calls himself the Millennium Earl. He uses real people to call upon a dead loved one to bring them to life and then next the Akuma is born.

Those who use innocence are called Exorcists and we are the warriors of God who are sent out to find the pieces of innocence or other accommodators and to eliminate Akuma. From my journeys I have learned there are two types of Innocence users. Equipment type users where the Innocence shard is put into an item which then is used as a weapon. I am in the other type which is called a Parasitic Type user where we were born with the innocence shard within us. My innocence is the cause of my deformed arm and you can find the shard in the cross shaped design on the top of my hand. Parasitic type users have very short lives because the innocence feeds off of our energy, and to keep us going we have to eat large amounts of food to keep us going strong. And since the snow storm started I had to already lessen my intake of food to make our rations last longer. Now that there is a total of six individuals in the library I have decided to lessen my intake even more to just not eating at all. I didn't wish to be a burden to anyone.

At the moment Tyki was away helping the libraian with getting the furnace fixed so we could have more heat but no one had any high hopes of it happening. I kept to the loft area of the library since the other three found it necessary to stay in the main sitting area. The further I was away from them the safer I'd be from getting hurt. And to keep them starring at me all the time I had reverted back to wearing my sleeves down, keeping my gloved on and the hood to my jacket up on my head. I wanted to keep my appearance hidden as much as possible.

"Hey you kid!" I jumped at the loud voice and looked to see that one of the men had came up. He looked to be one of the younger one. But still he didn't look very nice.

"You know it's very rude to not mingle, why don't you come down." The guy said walking over until he towered over me. The smirk on his face told me otherwise as to what he was telling me to do. These people didn't want to mingle with me.

"I was told by my friend to wait here for him. So I'm going to have to politely decline your offer." I answered turning my head to look away from the man. I looked down to Tim and gave him a look and he immediately flew off. Hopefully to go get Tyki or possibly to get to a safe place.

"It wasn't an offer boy." The man sneered before snatching me up by the arm and dragging me. I tried to put up a struggle but the man over powered me. It was always in situations like these that the training I got from Cross went out the window. So now here I was in the middle of the sitting area surround by the three men who were there. I was obviously nervous.

"From watching you and your friend interacting together, my friends and I have gathered that your name is Allen correct?" The oldest of the men asked.

"Y-yes sir." I stammered, the man talking to me reminding me of the ring leader of the circus I was sold to. And if he was anything like that man then I knew I was going to be hurt in some way.

"I see, I have also came to witness you have quite some deformities which is such a shame. I can't make much off of you." The man chuckled darkly and I found my eyes widening in fear the moment this man finished speaking. It was now obvious to what he was.

"Y-your a s-slave au-auctioner." I stumbled over my words beginning to back up looking for a way out, but the man who came to get me was standing behind me to stop me from going any further.

"Ah so you're familiar with my kind of work. Which means you have been sold before?" He asked and all I could do was nod my head now.

"Well just from looking at you now and watching you these past couple of days it's obvious you're a virgin, so I could still get a pretty penny off of you. You see boy, I'm not your average slave auctioner, I don't sell labor workers, I sell personal pets." He explained darkly standing slowly from his seat and began walking over to me.

"Every year this snow storm blows in and some sort of tourists make their was in and get stuck for the next month. Who ever is waiting for you at that hotel at the end of town will not be able to find you and I doubt you'll be missed." He continued explaining before nodding his head and I was grabbed.

"TIM GO GET HELP!" I let out a scream as I thrashed and struggled as the two men began to drag me towards the back exit of the library. Tyki was still in the basement with the librarian so I doubted he'd even hear me but I had to try.

"TYKI HELP ME!" I began to scream trying my hardest to get out of the grips holding onto me, but I knew without activating my innocence It would be impossible and I was given strict orders by Cross that no matter the circumstances, to NEVER activate it on normal people.

The cold blasted into my face and silenced my screams for help as the cold air filled my lungs. My arms were then shackled behind then they put shackles around my ankles before I was tossed into the back of some carriage being locked in. It felt like when the orphanage sold me all over again, but this time it was much worst. I managed to crawl as much as I could to the back of the carriage and curl into a ball. I couldn't help as the tears fell from eyes and I cried for Mana. I cried for either Tyki or Cross to find me, but I knew it wouldn't be possible. I lost track of time quickly and all I knew was that it was completely dark out when we finally stopped. I could hear loud noises outside and knew we were probably at some sort of underground auction facility. I didn't even fight when I was dragged from the carriage and through a set of double doors.

"Go get him prepared. It won't take long for a buyer to want him." The leader of the men ordered and I was dragged through dark hallways until we walked into some room and I was thrown to the floor. I was injected with something before the shackles were removed from my wrists and ankles. I immediately tried to attack the two men but whatever they injected me with slowed my movements and I instantly became dizzy. The two only laughed and then my clothes were being removed. I tried again to struggle but from what I was injected with my movements were sluggish and at times I felt as if I wasn't moving at all.

"Besides that deformed arm of his, he's not that bad looking. Too bad we have to keep with his virgin title." I hear one of them laugh as ice cold water was dumped onto me causing me to gasp loudly.

"There are other things you can make him do, you're just not allowed to penetrate him or make him release." The other laughed much more darker and I couldn't help the whimper which left my mouth as he stepped forward. I was lifted up onto my knees by my hair. I heard the other man removing his trousers before stepping forward. I knew what was before my face but everything was blury and I was unable to do anything.

My mouth was forced open and his full length was pushed into my mouth till his tip hit the back wall of my mouth. I instantly began to gag and tried pulling away but my head was pushed forward more onto his length. The other man held my head firmly to keep me from trying to pull away. Then my mouth was being thrust into making everything just worst. I don't know how long it went on for but finally he released into me and pulled out. I was pushed to the floor where I began coughing up everything released into my mouth. The two men only laughed.

"Here put the chain on him, it's time to get him sold." I heard the one who had held my head say. I heard the clinking of the chair before it was secured tightly around my neck and I was jerked by it and forced to follow them. I couldn't help but stumble and fall because of the drug they had injected into me. I was dragged out onto a stage and hooked to a pole being forced to sit. I noticed five other boys around my age and younger than me. There was a bright light pointed at us so I couldn't see anything so I wasn't sure if there was a crowd or not.

Immediately though people were walking up examining us and I was surprised at how little amount of people there were. Very little details were given to the people about us, only our name, our ages and whether or not we were virgins. There was only me and the boy next to me who were virgins. No one stopped very long to examine me and I knew it was because of my appearance and this made me the even more frightened at what my fate would become if I was not bought.

"How much for the boy?" The warm voice made my head snap up, but I was disappointed to see a man I did not actually recognize. I swore that I would see Tyki before me, but instead there was a man with tan colored skin wearing a very expensive suit. His head had a top hat with longer dark colored hair and the only thing other than his voice which reminded me of Tyki was his amber colored eyes, what once again told me it wasn't Tyki was the beauty mark at the corner of his right eye and a spectacle over his left eye.

"10,000 pounds" I heard the man who had kidnapped me say.

"Deal, I want him clothed and given to me in 5 minutes." I heard the man say handing over the money and turning on his heal. I was left in shock as I was dragged away and put back into my clothes, which put me into even more shock. But not long was I led out another set of doors where the man was standing out waiting for me. No words were spoken as I was handed over to the man. I was surprised as he helped me walk to this carriage.

"I have someone waiting for you back in town, the drug they have injected you with will be gone by morning. Try to rest. My name is Sheril Kamelot I will ensure your safety Mister Walker." The man spoke helping me into the carriage and to laying on the seat across from him. I was surprised and happy to see Timcanpy as he flew over and landed on the seat in front of my face.

"Hey...Tim." I managed to say weakly lifting my hand and pat him. I lost consciousness when he snuggled against my cheek. My dreams were filled of nightmares, repeating what that man did to me in the back room before the auction. So it wasn't any surprise when I woke up immediately after the dream ended. I opened my eyes to see a ceiling fan running above me. I knew this room but the coloring was different so I was in the one Cross and I had been sharing, but this was the same hotel we had been staying at. It was still dark outside and I was still very woozy. I sat up and immediately regretted it, I had no idea where the bucket appeared from but the contents of my stomach emptied out, I was surprised that there had been anything in my stomach. I felt a warm hand on my back rubbing up and down it.

"That's it shounen, let it out. You need to get whatever they gave you out." I heard Tyki say, after I was sure I wouldn't throw up anymore.

"How...I don't understand. I was sure I was...I was sure I lost my freedom again." I choked out feeling the tears fall over the lids of my eyes.

"Ever since those men came to the library I knew who they were. I help my brother with tracking them. I wasn't expecting them to target you because of your looks. They avoid odd looking people so I'm sorry for dropping my guard and allowing you to be taken. I was so happy that I was able to notify my brother so he could get to you in time." Tyki rambled on wrapping his arms around me and holding me close.

"I was so scared Tyki. I didn't think that I'd be able to see you again. I was afraid I wouldn't see Shishou again. Yes he's a mean and not a father figure but he does keep me alive! I...I...I..." I couldn't talk anymore and could only cry.

"Allen, did those men do anything to you while they had you?" Tyki then asked quietly his fingers running through my hair. I opened my mouth to lie to him but the only thing that came out was a loud sob and I couldn't help but tell him.

"Everything will be alright Allen, I will protect you forever." He whispered into my ear as I buried my face into his chest and cried my hands tightly gripping onto his white shirt.

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Cross POV:

When Sheril Kamelot walked into the bar of the hotel saying I was shocked was an understandment. I wasn't expecting to run into one of the Noah's this soon while I had Allen. Nea hadn't fully awakened inside of the boy so he wasn't ready to return to the Millennium Earl quite yet. But I knew something had happened when Sheril made a beeline right to me when he spotted me.

"General Cross, may I have a moment of your time privately out in the lobby. This is urgent." He spoke and I could only narrow my eyes.

"What does Adam need from me this time Sheril?" I asked turning to face him with crossed arms.

"Adam hasn't sent me, I am approaching you on my own. It's about Allen , your apprentice the host." Sheril spoke, and immediately I became worried and motioned him to lead the way. I followed him to the most secluded area of the lobby where no one was around.

"What happened to Allen?" I asked instantly.

"Some men I have been keeping an eye for Sex Trafficking had targeted him and kidnapped him. My brother Tyki had been with him at the library and had called me the moment he was taken. Don't give me that look Cross, my brother doesn't know he's with you or who he is, but we do have an issue." Sheril talked on, I couldn't help the glare when he had told me about Tyki being so close to my apprentice.

"And pray tell, what could possibly be any worst?" I asked knowing I was not going to like this.

"My brother has feelings for Allen, and I think Allen may have feelings for Tyki as well. The entire carriage ride here to the hotel your apprentice was constantly calling out for my brother. And my brother well I've never seen him so worked up over someone before." Sheril answered with a sigh.

"Does Adam know?" I then asked and Sheril sighed once again.

"I had no choice, it was the only way I was able to find the exact location. Listen Cross, I've been thinking. I don't think Allen should go to the Black Order I have a horrible feeling something is going to happen to him." He voiced his concerns and I could only sigh and comb my fingers through my hair.

"You're not the only one with the feeling Sheril but this plan was set by Adam himself until Allen is ready for Nea to take over him or until another body becomes available for Nea." I explained pinching the bridge of my nose.

"I realize that but what happens if Allen and Tyki become serious with one another Cross? I don't want to watch my brother become heartbroken if Allen becomes Nea." Sheril said and I could only sigh, of course it's the brother complex older brother that would jeopardize this mission.

"I'm sorry Sheril but there is nothing I can do right this moment, but when the time come we will figure something out. Now if you'd excuse me I'm going back to the bar, let Allen know that the first day of no snow fall to meet me at the train station, I will allow him to have this time to heal." I said and took my leave. I couldn't understand why things had to always be so fucking complicating. All I wanted to do was drink and have sex with beautiful women.

Don't get me wrong I am glad Allen is okay, but come on the kid needs more extensive training. Maybe it's time to send him directly to the Black Order after we go to India.

* * *

Allen's POV:

Tyki's chest was very warm as I snuggled into him listening to the logs popping in the fire place. Sheril had come back some time ago and relayed the message from Cross. From the looks of it outside it would be a long while before the snow would let up. At the moment Sheril was sitting in one of the chairs in front of the fire reading some book. Tyki was behind me out cold and slightly snoring being careful I slide from the bed and walked to the other chair and took a seat drawing my legs up and hugging them.

"Everything alright Allen?" I heard Sheril ask.

"Yea, I just wanted to thank you for saving me. I didn't know what I would have done if I wouldn't have been found." I answered looking into the dancing flames.

"You don't have to thank me Allen, it's not very often will my younger brother find someone he holds close to his heart. And just watching you I can understand why he cares so much about you." Sheril says quietly closing his book and turning to look into the fire.

"Tyki is a very kind person Mr. Kamelot and I am lucky to have met him. I just wish I didn't have to leave with my Shishou after the snow lets up. I still don't understand what he sees in me but I do see why he is so special. He lights up the warm the moment he walks into it. His heart is so caring that I don't know how anyone could not like him." I hear myself say and I wonder when did I fall for Tyki. I shake my head slightly and hide my face into my legs.

"You love my brother don't you Allen?" I hear Sheril ask and I don't even hesitate.

"I know I just met Tyki a week ago but it feels like I have known him for a long time Sheril. I'm afraid to say that I love him because everyone I love is taken from me, but I know I don't want to be without him in my life." I answer using the palms of my hands to rub the tears from my eyes then looked to Sheril to see a warm smile on his face before he turned to look at the space behind my chair. Turning I see Tyki standing there with a warm smile on his face and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Well we have a long time before this snow storm will let up, in that time I will earn your trust and hopefully by then we can both learn to love each other, shounen." He responds leaning over and capturing my lips with his own for a quick kiss.

"I can't wait Tyki." I whisper to him reaching up and pushing my fingers into his hair.

* * *

Yay! Another chapter, I am so happy for myself to get this done! Tell me what you guys think ^_^.

Well here is a poll, as you all know this is a rewrite from my original version titled "Cursed" and I was trying to decide something and would like all of your opinions. In the original it was a gender-bent where Allen turned into a girl. What do you guys think should I keep that detail in this one or as well or change it?

Keep Gender-bent

or

Change it

Tell me in your review. Thank you!


	4. Chapter 3

If I Die Young And Cursed

Summary: This is the edited, revised and extended version to my FanFic Cursed. I felt like this needed to happen. Allen was a cursed child, abandoned by his birth parents because of his arm, cursed by his adoptive father and now he has to travel around with a maniacal man named Cross. But he knew all of it will be worth it in the end as he will be an exorcist. During his journeys with Cross he meets a boy a few years older than him and the two of them fall in love. Deep down he knows his happiness will be short lived. He just hopes to live to see old age. Poker Pair, One-sided Yullen, LxR, BxL, MexLB,

Kittenanimegirl13: Thank you so much for the review, I glad you like the fic so far ^_^

I love pink the neko: Thank you

Ryuakilove: Thank you I'm glad you like the fic. And I will start writing ideas for the gender bend so I can get it re-figured out since I winged it last time lol.

*The Fic will SLIGHTLY follow the DgrayMan original storyline but only slightly so don't expect too much.

**Majority of the chapters are in Allen's POV when POV changes I will indicate who it is.

***WARNINGS NONE

Chapter Theme: Hallelujah-Fit For Rivals

* * *

Chapter Three: The Day With No Snow, The Black Order

Cross POV:

It was strange seeing s real smile on Allens face as he interacted with Tyki, the two of them were always found with one another. From their room to the hotel cafe they were always together. Sheril kept me updated on their relationship and as we feared it had grown. And just last night I was brought to the attention that the two of them had begun dating officially. The moment I found out I drank myself into a drunken coma and now it was noon the next day and I had just woken up moments before. It had been a month since we came to this hotel and I was getting cabin fever, I needed to get out of here.

"Shishou?" I turn my head to the side to see Allen standing there with a concerned face, for once he wasn't with Tyki.

"What baka minirai?!" I snapped cringing from the headache I had.

"Well you slept at the bar last night, I was coming to check up on you. I was getting worried because there hasn't been any snow for the past three days and you haven't come to tell me it's time to go." He explained to me, I narrowed my eyes and sat up looking outside, indeed the sun was out and there were no falling flakes. With a sigh I slipped from the bar stool, Allen caught me as I stumbled.

"I'm fine, meet me at the hotel room in 20 minutes. That gives you time to say your goodbyes to your boyfriend." I order, I didn't have to watch him to know that he run off to find Tyki. I slowly close my eyes and take a puff from my cigarette, I inhale allowing the smoke to fill my lungs before I exhaled feeling my nerves slowly calming. All in that moment I had left the bar area and headed up the stairs. I knew full well what was going to happen now that Allen was in a relationship with a Noah. I relationship that was slowly becoming very serious and I didn't have the heart to destroy it. The boy has lived his entire life in hell and if Tyki made him happy then I was going to allow him to hold onto this happiness.

I only hoped that he isn't put through too much pain when he finds out the entire truth, not only about Tyki but also about himself. I entered the room we were given to see Allen had his things already packed, so much like him to be fully prepared to leave the moment I was ready. I closed my eyes slowly trying to prepare myself for what I was about to do. I had fully intended on taking Allen to India with me to finish his training, but as of late just watching him I believe he was ready. So at the station I would get on a train to India while I give Allen a letter of recommendationm and Timcanpy before I have him head to England to go to headquarters. I already made the call yesterday to Branch Chief Komui Lee to have him have someone meet up with Allen at the docks for when he arrives.

"Shishou, is there something you're not telling me? You've been acting weird lately." I let out another heavy breath upon hearing my apprentice's voice from behind me. I knew it hadn't been 20 minutes yet, there was no way.

"Allen shut the door and come sit with me." I tell him walking over and sat in one of the chairs in front of the fireplace. Allen did what I told him and sat watching me as I starred ahead of my hands folded and resting in my lap.

"Allen, there is something I must tell you and I need you to promise me to take this with a open mind please." I tell him, staying careful with the words I speak.

"What is it?" He asks and I look over to see him watching me with worry, I knew I gave him no reason to like me one bit, but with how events have turned out to be, I knew I needed to set at least one thing right.

"You're not going to India with me. I am sending you straight to headquarters located in England, now I must warn you. Do not trust anyone when you go there. I don't know in how long but you will be put into a situation where you must choose Allen. I will tell you this, if your heart truly belongs to this Tyki person Allen, then promise me you will choose him always. You must always keep your heart and mind open to everything you find out about him." I tell him leaning my head back against the chair and starred up at the ceiling so he couldn't see the sadness in my eyes.

"I promise Shishou." I heard Allen answer after a long moment of silence I hear him stand from his chair and walk over to me.

"I only wish you would tell me the whole truth behind your words but I know that you can't. So not only do I promise to keep and open heart and mind when it comes to Tyki, but I also promise to always choose Tyki. I also will trust you when you tell me not to open up to anyone at headquarters, I guess it is time to put on the mask and just play friendly." He says and I find myself look straight at Allen, his face had a smile but his eyes spoke differently. His eyes held nothing but deceit and I knew in that moment that with his time as Red and with how long he's been with me; he has learned well. I stand from my chair and link my fingers under Allens chin lifting his face up.

"Play nice, keep your heart closed and keep yourself protected Allen. Become the Clown you were raised to be." I smirk leaning down and pressing my lips to his forehead. Unknowing to Allen I formed those words to create a spell to keep Allen from gaining any feelings for anyone at the Order.

"I will grab your things Allen now please go see Tyki and I will meet you at the entrance of the hotel." I tell him softly, I watch Allens widened eyes go back to normal before he nods his head and runs off. I hear a noise come from Timcanpy and know it is headquarters.

"Connect Timcanpy." I order and watch Tim open his mouth and project a small screen Komui's face popping up on it.

 _ **Good morning General Cross how is Russia?**_

"The snow has finally let up and I will be sending Allen your way via train momentarily. He is at the moment saying his goodbyes to someone." I answer crossing my arms and narrowing my eyes at him.

 _ **Ho~? Really now, so the boy has a lover.**_

"You could say that." I smirked even though I knew the chief was only joking around.

 _ **Wait he has a lover already?! Well at least that reassures me that my precious Lenalee will not be bothered by the young boy.**_

"Even if he was single Komui the boy isn't interested in the female population. Now Komui what is the meaning of this phone call?" I ask crossing my arms, the look on Komui's face at the mention of Allen being gay was priceless but it didn't matter to me.

 _ **Well I wanted to inform you that I have Lavi and Bookman meeting Allen in Calais, France. The two will be escorting Allen directly here since you have explained to me he has a poor sense of direction.**_

"You don't have to do that, the station is directly across the street from the docks. And I have already given Allen detailed directions to get to headquarters." I hiss not liking how he was trying to bud into my plans honestly.

 _ **It's not just because of his poor sense of direction Cross. It also because of the curse you told me about to. If he came alone the gate keeper would have to give him a full body scan. That curse would set off all of the alarms. This way that won't happen and I can get the Gate Keeper caught up with Allens situation. I have to go now, I will see you here at headquarters in three months time, and Cross you better be here because Lvellie is coming as well. He wants to meet the apprentice of General Cross. And so if you don't want Allen meeting him alone for any reason you will be here.**_

After Komui was finished speaking the projection disappeared and Timcanpy flew over and landed onto the top of my hat. I felt my anger beginning to boil up again knowing that Central was trying to bud nose into my business once again. Taking out another cigarette I lit it up immediately and took a hard puff from it. I grabbed onto Allens single bag as I exhaled before grabbing mine and headed out of the room. I would meet Allen outside so Tyki wouldn't see me. The hotel lobby was bustling with life which didn't help my nerves one bit. When I walked out the doors to the hotel I was shocked to see Allen already there leaning against one of the light poles starring ahead of himself with a longing look.

"I know you're going to miss Tyki, but you will see him again. I promise." I tell him as I walk up, Allen looks up at me and gives me a soft smile.

"Oh I know, Tyki and I have already planned to stay in contact somehow letting each other know when we can meet up with each other in town." He says and the anger I was feeling suddenly disappears. Hearing the plan Allen just said made me the even more proud.

"Good, now lets go. There is a change of plans, there are two people who you will be meeting up with in Calais. One is a very old man named Bookman Jr. his grandson Lavi is with him as well. I do not know what they look like but they will be wearing similar clothes to mine." I explain to him.

"I understand Shishou." He answers mechanically.

"Allen from this day forward I give you permission to finally call me General Cross or just Cross, whichever you prefer." I tell him and he falls silent.

"I understand...Cross." He says carefully and I can only chuckle holding his bag out to him. Allen takes from me and throws it over his shoulder like I do.

It wasn't long before the two of us reached the station and I got Allen onto his train. He was very hesitant to go on his own, but the moment he saw Timcanpy was accompanying him I watch him relax. I stood watching the train until it left all the while unable to suppress the haunting feeling I was having in my gut.

"Penny for your thoughts Cross?" I look to see Sheril step up to next to me.

"Something very horrible is going to happen to my apprentice and your brother should prepare himself the day it comes to light. Also, I think it is time to schedule a meeting with Adam. The time is drawing nearer now. Nea will be coming much sooner than we have planned." I explain to him. Sheril nods his head and as I expected the man opens the white Ark door and the both of us walk into it. I knew it was time to start making necessary preparaions.

"Ah what a surprise to see you Cross Marian. What pleasure do I owe you this fine morning?" It was always weird seeing Adam, the Millennium Earl outside of his Grotesque Fat Man form.

"We need to talk Adam, it is about Nea and Allen and Tyki." I answer walking forward and taking the seat across him as he sat at his desk.

"I understand us talking about Nea and Allen but how does my Tyki-Pon fit in?" Adam chuckled lightly, I heard Sheril sigh behind me.

"Nea maybe resurfacing much quicker than we anticipated. And I suggest we somehow getting his old body to go back to instead of him using Allens. Things have become complicating and it involves Tyki." I explain.

"How so Cross?" He asks, his smile fading at the mention of Nea not being able to use Allens body. Yes, Adam loved Allen just as much as Nea seeing as the man was actually the boys biological father. But no one but Adam, Lulu Bell his mother, Mana, Nea and myself actually knew. It was planned for Nea to take refuge inside Allen who was born very weak and Nea's spirit was keeping him alive at the time. Nea's body had been lost to the Order which was why everyone came to the unfortunate decision to allow Nea to have Allens body once the boy turned 18. But now that must change.

"Allen and Tyki have started a relationship with one another and it is becoming very serious between the two of them." I finally answer Adam and I watch as his eyes widen.

"You can't be serious Cross, this cannot happen! We have no way of getting Nea his actual body back!" Adam hisses at me slowly standing from his seat.

"In three months we will have the opportunity for Nea to return to his body, but I need the help of Wisely. He needs to be awakened and as soon as you can then be planted into the Order with Allen as either a fake exorcist, which I suggest you do not do or as finder. Wisely is the only one capable of getting into Allens mind and waking Nea up to prepare us all of him jumping back into his body." I explain leaning back in the chair folding my one leg over the other.

"Cross you know when you do this Allen will loose the Innocence within his arm. Crown Clown originally belonged to Nea and you know this." Adam says calmly after pushing his fingers through his dark hair.

"Allen still has Innocence, I have sensed it and it has come out a few times to protect the boy. Sheril can vouch for me on this." I counter Adams words.

"Cross is correct, when I rescued the boy from the Slave Auction House, he immediately passed out in the carriage, but when ever someone would try to touch him a some sort of portal opened under him. It took on the surroundings around Allen and these ribbons came out and kept him safe. It was different from Crown Clown though, these were much different and actually healed Allen of the drug he had been given by his kidnappers." Sheril explained walking up and stood next to the seat I was sat in.

"And this isn't the only time, there have been others and it's only when he's unconscious and in danger." I finished, Adam leaned back in his chair folding his hands at his mouth and closed his eyes. You could tell he was thinking.

"The question now is, why do we have only one chance to get Nea to his actual body in three months?" He then asks his eyes staying closed but his hands had slowly lowered to rest in his lap.

"Inspector Malcom C. Lvellie and his assistant Howard Link will be arriving to the Black Order headquarters in three months. Lvellie is the one who watches over the body of Nea and when he leaves Central the body goes with him and is stored in a special room at headquarters. Hevlaska's Chamber. Once Wisely is awakened I will take him with me to headquarters." I tell him and I feel a smirk crossing my lips as a smirk appears onto Adams as well.

"Well then let's go find Wisely now shall we? Sheril please go fetch Road and bring her here, she will know where to find Wisely." Adam says and Sheril leaves. I could only hope that this plan would work. Until then we have three months for Allen and Tyki to come clean to one another. Allen being an Exorcist and Tyki being a Noah.

This was not how things were supposed to go.

* * *

Allens POV:

I hated trains, but I hated being alone on trains the most. Even though I had Timcanpy with me and my own private compartment, I was still very nervous. I didn't want it to be like the time in the library. At the moment I wish I could have Tyki with me to keep me company but he had to follow the wind and I had a job to do. I needed to get to the Black Order Headquarters and play nice now before I could be with Tyki, but the details on what needed to be done was still unknown to me so I needed to figure them out.

I had already been on this train for Eighteen hours bored out of my mind, even though I was very afraid to be around people by myself I still managed to leave the compartment and found some unlucky men to play poker against. This left me with some spending money for the next time I would see Tyki, even though Exorcists do get a paycheck even still I didn't have any money at this moment. It would be another two hours before we reached Calais and then from there I needed to find this Bookman person and his grandson Lavi. I wasn't really looking forward to it, but there was nothing I could do. With thoughts of Tyki in my mind I closed my eyes and let sleep take over me.

I woke again when the train came to a sudden stop and I was launched forward out of my seat, my face being planted into the wall across from me. It gave an instant headache, but I ignored it and made my way off the train after grabbing my things. It wasn't hard to spot who I was looking for because of the Black Order Crest on their jackets, but what threw my off was the third person in the group. From my knowledge there was only supposed to be two but I wasn't going to be worried about it. The sun hadn't risen yet so hopefully on the boat I could get a little bit of sleep.

"Tim record a message for only Cross Marian to receive, tell him there are three people from headquarters here not two." I spoke quietly to Timcanpy who I know was already recording the message. I locked eyes with the long haired boy and got an instant chill from him and then before I knew it, the red haired boy was running a beeline right for me. I barely had time to prepare myself as I was wrapped into his arms.

"You must be Allen Walker! It is amazing to meet you! My name is Lavi I can't wait to get to know you better so we can be the best of friends!" He wailed loudly pressing his cheek to mine. I watch as the old man and other boy walk up.

"Idiot that is not how to act release the boy at once!" The old man barked out orders glarring at the boy. My guess was the old man was Bookman, the red head was Lavi and I had no clue as to the other boy.

"Whatever you say panda!" The boy said and released me.

"You must be Bookman, I was informed by Cross I would be meeting up with you and Lavi." I said holding my hand out to the man.

"Yes, I apologize for my idiot grandson. By the way this gentleman is Yuu Kanda, we ran into him when we got here and he will be accompanying you from here. Lavi and myself have been given a last minute mission. When we return I hope to speak with you Mr. Walker. Now if you'd excuse us." Bookman said after shaking my hand then dragged the red head off with him.

"If you call me anything other than Kanda I will run you through with Mugen. Now follow me kid." Kanda barked at me and turned on his heal heading out of the station, I made sure to keep up with him. It was obvious that he wasn't the type to mess with or he'd kill you.

"So how long will it be to get to headquarters?" I asked managing to fall in step with him.

"It's a one hour boat ride then a 4 hour train ride." He explained to me, which meant it would be early evening when we reached out destination. Even still I was very weary about being alone with this person, especially when I started noticing the smirk on his face and the small glances he'd make toward me.

We made our way onto the boat and into our quarters, it would be another hour until it disembarked towards Dover. Thankfully there two beds and I chose the one right by the window so I could stare out it. I was suddenly feeling cramped and I wanted to leave. Standing from the bed I muttered about looking for the Mess Hall so I could eat something but I never made it to the door before I was pushed into the wall both my wrists being pinned above my head by Kanda, I gasped when his knee pressed between my nether regions.

"You see Allen there's a reason why I met up with Bookman and Lavi, they were given my mission because I have been ordered by Central to teach you why you don't have relationships outside of the Order. You will now belong to me until the day you give up on your relationship. So here is your choice ; give up your little boyfriend or I will make you wish you had." Kanda whispered in my ear shivers running up my spin when his tongue ran up my neck.

 _I don't know in how long but you will be put into a situation where you must choose Allen. I will tell you this, if your heart truly belongs to this Tyki person Allen, then promise me you will choose him always._

"Fuck you asshole, I will never give up the one I care for. So do what you want to me, I will never change my mind." I hissed and part of me knew I was going to regret this when a sick demonic smile etched across Kanda's face.

"So be it then."

* * *

There you have it! Hoped you all liked it, letting you all know now there will be an immediate Trigger Warning for the beginning and most of the next chapter, for obvious reasons. Stupid Kanda LOL xD. Don't forget to leave me a review guys! Till next time!


	5. Chapter 4

If I Die Young And Cursed

Summary: This is the edited, revised and extended version to my FanFic Cursed. I felt like this needed to happen. Allen was a cursed child, abandoned by his birth parents because of his arm, cursed by his adoptive father and now he has to travel around with a maniacal man named Cross. But he knew all of it will be worth it in the end as he will be an exorcist. During his journeys with Cross he meets a boy a few years older than him and the two of them fall in love. Deep down he knows his happiness will be short lived. He just hopes to live to see old age. Poker Pair, One-sided Yullen, LxR, BxL, MexLB,

Kittenanimegirl13- Yes Bakanda will always be a Bakanda honestly. **Sighs**

Ryuakilover- You're about to hate Kanda for the next...all of the chapter so be warned.

I Love Pink The Neko- Uh...Please be warned *hides*

*The Fic will SLIGHTLY follow the DgrayMan original storyline but only slightly so don't expect too much.

**Majority of the chapters are in Allen's POV when POV changes I will indicate who it is.

***TRIGGER WARNINGS THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE CHAPTER...You can thank Bakanda for this one

Chapter Theme: Requiem For A Dream-Main Title By Mark Fowler

* * *

Chapter Four- I will Stay Strong At All Costs

 **Recap:**

"You see Allen there's a reason why I met up with Bookman and Lavi, they were given my mission because I have been ordered by Central to teach you why you don't have relationships outside of the Order. You will now belong to me until the day you give up on your relationship. So here is your choice ; give up your little boyfriend or I will make you wish you had." Kanda whispered in my ear shivers running up my spin when his tongue ran up my neck.

 _I don't know in how long but you will be put into a situation where you must choose Allen. I will tell you this, if your heart truly belongs to this Tyki person Allen, then promise me you will choose him always._

"Fuck you asshole, I will never give up the one I care for. So do what you want to me, I will never change my mind." I hissed and part of me knew I was going to regret this when a sick demonic smile etched across Kanda's face.

"So be it then."

* * *

I was unprepared, especially when Kanda's lips crashed against mine, I forced my lips together as much as I could while I tried pulling my wrists from his firm grip. It was no use though he was much stronger than me. Kanda bit at my lips until I could feel blood trickle down my chin, but I still refused to give him any sort of access. I felt Kanda's free hand run down my neck till he was at the top of my shirt and vest, slowly he began to undo all of the buttons till my chest was exposed. I felt has hand place itself directly onto the middle of my chest before sliding over to the left side. His tongue probbed one more time at my lips to gain entrance but I pushed them more together.

Kanda was then pinching my nipple trying to get me to moan or gasp, but all I could do was whimper trying to ignore the feeling coursing through me. I didn't want to feel what I was feeling. Kanda finally pulled away from my lips and he sighed in disappointment, his fingers let go my nipple and then began undoing the buckle of his belt before pulling it off of himself. I noticed how thin the belt actually was and knew exactly what he was going to use it for. And as predicted, even with me struggling he still managed to bind my hands. He dragged me to where his sack was and I watched as he pulled out a rope and and then a much shorter in length rope. The shorter on he left on bed and grabbed the longer one before throwing me face first onto the floor.

He straddled me and began to rebind my hands with the longer rope making sure there was no way for me to escape. Closing my eyes I began to concentrate, fully prepared to invoke my innocence so I could get away. I guess Kanda was reading my thoughts because I felt a sharp prick in my shoulder and then suddenly a wave of dizziness came and gone.

"That was something created by our scientists to keep parasitic users from invoking their innocence while being punished. I always have some on me. Don't worry it will wear off in a few hours." Kanda chuckled lifting me up off the floor by my hair and dragged me to a wall where I saw a hook. Obviously it was a coat hook, but Kanda used to hang me by it. My entire weight pulled at my wrists causing the rope to dig into my skin slightly. I watch Kanda walk back and pick the belt back up coming back and securing it loosely around my neck.

"I am going to give you one more chance to change your decision, after this there will be no going back till I take you the next time." He said and all I could do was glare at him, he smirked when I refused to give in.

"Very well then." He said walking forward his lips upon mine once more both of his hands gripped tightly to my waist. Still I refused to let him have entrance. I feel Kanda's smirk against my lips before feeling his hands work on the front of my pants till they fell down my legs. My eyes widen when I realize what was going to be happening, but I needed to hold out strong. Soon after so did my boxers exposing me completely. Kanda pulled his lips back from mine one of his hands beginning to run down my abdomen, the moment his hand wrapped around my length did his other hand grab the hanging strap to his belt and pulled on it, cutting off my air way. He slowly began to grip tightly onto my length forcing a gasp from my lips, which signaled that my mouth was now open and Kanda plunged his tongue into my mouth. He kept choking me with the belt but his other hand began to pump me roughly his thumb covering the tip of it.

Soon I was seeing spots as I was slowly beginning to loose consciousness also coming close to release, but all at once Kanda let go of the belt allowing air to race and fill my lungs, he also released my length stopping me from releasing leaving an aching pain, and stepped back leaving a trail of drool down the side of my mouth. I let my head fall forward taking in as many breaths as I could. I could hear Kanda rummaging around in his sack so I knew more was coming. Suddenly there was rubber ball shoved into my mouth and strap tied behind my head securing the ball in my mouth. I could feel saliva beginning to fill my mouth and slowly start seeping out of the sides.

Kanda lifted me off of the hook and dragged me to across this room where there sat table and chairs, I was propped onto one of the chairs first then had the belt removed from around my neck, he tossed it somewhere on the floor. My breathing was still heavy since I never was really able to fully catch it. Kanda had something else in his hand and I focused in on it seeing that it was the ribbon I usually tied around my neck. Only bad things could continue on from here. Kanda lowered to his knees after lifting my bound hands his head lowered to my half way hard length my hands falling to his back. I let out another gasp when I felt his mouth around my length beginning to suck on it. I have never had this done to me so this feeling was all new and I tried to fight back the noises I kept making. The more his head bobbed and the more he sucked on it the harder the pressure began to build up in me. Right when I knew I was going to have some sort of release it all stopped but that build up feeling stayed and it became very painful. I watched as Kanda finally sat back up a huge sadistic smirk on his face.

"Now lets begin the real fun." He laughed yanking me back up by my hair and forced me to lay on my back on top of the table. My eyes widened when I saw he had used the ribbon to completely wrap around my erection stopping me from releasing but also keeping it built up. My head jerked back to look at Kanda when I heard a thud and I saw he had removed his exorcist coat and pants leaving me to watch as he removed his boxers. My eyes widened at how large he was. I began to try get away again but my hips were roughly grabbed and I was yanked forward his hardened length pushed all the into me, tearing my skin as it did. My scream was muffled because of the gag in my mouth, but it didn't stop the screams completely and the tears finally fell. I felt him pull out till only the tip was still inside, I felt a weird substance being poured onto his length. When he was done with whatever he began thrusting into me, that substance making it easier but it burned where my skin was torn open. My legs were forced over his shoulders, one arm wrapped around my legs for leverage while his other hand grabbed onto my throbbing erection and began to pump it making the pain from it worst and worst. I could only sob as I was pounded into roughly, I tried my hardest to focus on Tyki hoping in some way that it would help with lessening up the pain, but it didn't. Kanda just kept pounding into me and I never knew what happened when he released because I finally lost consciousness.

* * *

I woke up again inside a train my wrists still bound. Thankfully I was clothed. I turned my head when I heard a deep laugh and saw Kanda sitting there.

"You will be staying there bound until we get to Northern England. This is so I know you won't try to attack me while no one can see us. We will be arriving there shortly we'll be picked up by carriage by Section Chief Reever of the Science Division 1. Until then lets continue your punishment." Kanda said, all I could do was whimper as he got up and came over straddling my chest standing upright on his knees. Again I knew what was coming as I watched him undo his pants pushing down both his pants and boxers. His cock was still hard.

"Suck it." He ordered, but I only shook my head no. I didn't want to, but that caused him to grab me by my hair forcing me to wrap my mouth around his hardened length. His other hand also held my head and he began to thrust into my mouth the tip of his member hitting the back of my throat causing me to gag.

"That's it take it you filth." He hissed thrusting one last time into my mouth and held it there as he released inside, when he pulled out he forced my mouth closed and pinched my nose shut till I was forced to swallow only then was I allowed to breath again. I was exhausted and could only lie there, even when I was pulled from the seat and forced to straddle his waist. I couldn't keep up from when he pulled my pants off again. But I was here in his lap his cock being shoved into me again.

"No...more..."I whimpered out my arms forced around his neck since my wrists were bound, Kanda never answered me only grabbed my waist with his hands and began forcing me to ride him, his mouth bit and sucked onto the skin of my neck. Suddenly Kanda shifted so his cock could hit a different area in me and I was seeing white and letting out a strangled gaspy moan which was very loud. I heard him chuckle as I was then forced onto my back and he began thrusting into me every time hitting that spot forcing me to scream out. His arms hooked under the back of my knees and forced my legs back so he could thrust harder into me. All I could do was moan and scream since there was nothing else I could do. But this time it didn't last as long. I could only lie there breathing heavily and sob, slowly I managed to get myself dressed since Kanda decided then to take the binds off. I figured out why was because the train had finally came to a stop. I was thankful that my shirt hid my wrists and the coat I had hid the marks on my neck. My entire body was sore but I pushed through it following Kanda off of the train following him in silence. I went through my thoughts trying to find out why I couldn't fight back.

"We're coming up to Reever, you say anything and I will make sure your life is even more of hell at headquarters." Kanda whispered and all I could was just nod my head not trusting my voice one bit. Soon we came up to the carriage where a tall blonde man was.

"You must be Mr. Walker, my name is Reever. We'll be heading to headquarters now. Komui is awaiting your arrival." The blond told me opening the door to the carriage allowing Kanda and I to climb in. Being alone in this small space made me very nervous, especially since the windows were blacked out. I sat back in the seat and shut my eyes, all my thoughts focused on Tyki. I was trying to keep myself strong, especially for him. I still hadn't come to any decision on whether or not if I wanted to tell him what happened. I had no clue what would occur if I did. Most likely Tyki would try to kill Kanda, and if Kanda didn't wish to become a fallen one he wouldn't be able to invoke his sword. I heard rustling and knew Kanda had stood. I could feel his hands on each side of me on the seat. He was towering over me and it made my heart speed up from the anxiety.

"We still have 30 minutes until we reach headquarters." He whispered, I opened my eyes and looked up to stare at his face. His eyes looked at me like he was starring down his next meal.

"Aren't you satisfied already?" I asked my voice cracking, I was at my limit with all the abuse he was aiming at me.

"I will never be satisfied until the day you say the words that you're leaving that lover of yours." He laughs bring his hand up and cupping my left cheek his thumb tracing over the lined scar there. I clenched my jaw shut and glared at him.

"I take that as I no." He says again his face leaning down closer to mine, I could feel Timcanpy shaking in my jacket pocket. Before Kanda's lips could press to mine again my hands darted up and pushed against his chest. I knew fighting would bring hurt to me, but I didn't want this. Not from this man at least. All I could think about was Tyki as I dropped my head starring into my lap as I felt the tears finally drop from my eyes. Kanda's hands grabbed onto my wrists and forced my arms to my sides before he straddled my lap. I knew it was only to keep me from fighting back. His hands grabbed my cheeks and he forced me to look up and into his eyes.

"You know it doesn't have to be like this you know. All you have to say is that you want to end your relationship with your lover and I will make sure it happens and you will not have to be hurt no more. If you would just end it I will leave you alone." Kanda whispers leaning his forehead onto mine, a sick smile dancing on his face. I couldn't help the sobs from breaking through and all I could do was shake my head no. I refused to let Kanda or the order win.

Kanda's hands dropped to my shoulders as he pushed his entire weight against me, I felt his tongue run up my neck until his mouth reached my ear. I felt his appendage dart into my ear before he took the lobe of my ear in between his teeth. I bit onto my lips just so I couldn't make any sort of noises. I had no idea if the carriage was sound proof or not. Kanda chuckled as his face came back into my line of view. I narrowed my eyes at him but it did nothing for me as he placed his hand over my groin area before putting his weight on his hand. I let out a gasp. My eyes widen though when I feel the carriage coming to a stop. Before I could even think of yelling out Kanda's free hand was over my mouth.

"Why'd we stop Reever?" Kanda shouted out his eyes focused on mine warning me not to say a word.

"There is a blockage where we have to go, I am going to go ask how long it will take." Reever called back, I could feel the carriage move as it had signaled Reever had gotten off.

"No worries Reever we will wait here. Neither of us are in any hurry to get back so take your time." Kanda called back and Reever had yelled something but I couldn't catch it. Kanda was back to putting weight on me making it extremely uncomfortable.

"Please stop." I begged trying to keep my breathing under control but Kanda proceeded to ignore me and then began to massage that area. I couldn't help but throw my head back as that building sensation came on. My mouth was covered again and I heard the voice of Reever.

"We're going to be stuck here for the night Kanda, the man has instructed me of Inn on where we can go. I will drop Walker and you off then go find somewhere where I can relay the message to Komui." He explained, I felt a shiver as I watched the sick smile on Kanda's face get bigger. Before long the carriage was moving again but Kanda got off of me allowing me to get myself together again.

"Don't think you're getting out of it Allen. I'm going to have you all night. Reever will have his own room since he's part of the science devision and most likely his room will be in a whole other area to us. You thought what happened on the boat was harsh, wait until we get into a room and we have access to a bathroom." Kanda whispered and I found my eyes widening my heart sinking into my stomach in fear, but I swore to myself to be strong. I will wade this out until I can see Tyki again and get away. If this is what it means to be an exorcist then I didn't want it. I'd gladly switch over and help the Millennium Earl than have to be subjected to this torture. I was sad when the carriage ride ended and both Kanda and I climbed out.

"I will see you both in the morning. There is a supplier of Komui's who may have his shipment I will be staying there for the night and will be back to get you both tomorrow. Have a nice sleep and please no fighting." Reever told us before heading off, the entire time I kept quiet following Kanda. Timcanpy had long ago flown out of my pocket and flew off to somewhere. I had hoped it was to my shishou, or at least to hide from Kanda. I allowed Kanda to go into the room first at least then I knew I wouldn't be blind sided by him. His words from inside the carriage haunted me and I could only stand out in the hallway starring at the open door knowing what was to come. I knew that I should run and probably try to find my own way to headquarters, but that would go against my shishous orders. Taking a deep breath I finally pushed myself forward into the room closing the door behind me. I could hear water running from the bathroom and knew whatever was planned was not good. I still had time to open this door and run. And then Kanda was out of the connected bathroom and facing me.

"Come here and get onto your knees and then you are to not move." He ordered and I found myself obeying him, walking over to him and dropping to my knees in front of him my body shaking. Kanda walked away from me and over to where he set his bag. All I could do was sob, even though one simple sentence could end all of this; I still refused to give in. I promised shishou to always choose Tyki no matter what and that is exactly what I was going to do. Kanda came back carrying his rope and another item I could barely see, standing before me.

"Off with your jacket and shirt." He ordered, and I complied shakily removing all articles of clothing until my upper half was exposed to him. Kanda knelt to one knee putting the rope down before securing a black collar around my neck a silver ring was on the front. I guessed it was for a leash of some sort. Kanda then proceeded to tie my arms completely behind my back, and what was left of the rope was laced through the ring. Another and smaller rope was tied around my neck the remainder unused portion was used to connect to my arms. When Kanda was done he was back to standing in front of me to the point where his groin area was in my face.

"I now what you to use your mouth to undo my pants." He ordered his hand being placed to the back of my head so I couldn't pull back. All I could do was whimper, opening my mouth I bit onto the corner of his pants where the button was, maneuvering my mouth and tongue until I was able to free the button from the loop hole. The hardest part was taking the zipper in between my teeth because it entailed for me to push my face into his groin area. When it was finally unzipped his pants fell to the floor revealing his black boxers.

"Continue to use your mouth to pull the boxers down Allen." He orders I feel his fingers comb through my hair sending shivers down my spine. All I could do was listen to him cause god only knows what he had in that bag to use on me. Leaning forward again I managed to take the waist band in between my teeth and I slowly pulled it down freeing his hardened cock. Kanda stopped combing his fingers through my hair before grabbing my chin and lifting my head to look up at him.

"I want you to keep your mouth open and your eyes on mine while I fuck your mouth. You will not move understood?" He asked and I nodded my head.

"You know I haven't told you what to call me slave. Yes you are now my slave Allen, your name no longer belongs to you when it's just us. And when it is just us you will either refer to me as Master or Kanda-Sama. There will be no more head nodding." He said gripping my chin tightly.

"Y-yes K-Kanda-Sama." I managed to stutter out.

"Good slave, now what were my orders?" He asked rubbing his hand along my neck his nails scratching at my skin occasionally.

"I-I will not m-move while you f-fuck my mouth K-Kanda-Sama." I managed to say my words still stuttery.

"Yes while keeping your eyes one me. And what are you to do for me to fuck your mouth?" He asks his hand now cupping my cheek his thumb rubbing right under my cursed eye.

"K-Keep my mouth o-open Kanda-Sama." I answer fighting back any tears wanting to break free.

"Then do it slave." Kanda hissed his hand darting to and wrapping around my neck threatening to choke me.

"Yes...Kanda-Sama." I answer opening my mouth as wide as it would go adverting my eyes until they were locked with Kanda's. His eyes were hazed over with lust and I could tell he was enjoying with torturing me. I hold back a choke when his the tip of his cock hits the back of my throat as he pushes himself completely into my mouth his cock beginning to go down my throat from how long he was. I remind myself to breath slowly through my nose so I don't suffocate.

"Swirl your tongue around me." He orders and with difficulty I manage to find a way to run my tongue around him coating the hot flesh with my saliva. Kanda has the rope in hand, tightly holding me in place as he begins to thrust in and out of my mouth, deep throating me each time.

"Suck on me while I'm fucking your slut mouth slave." He orders and I do so, remembering not to take my eyes off of him. But I look anywhere but into his eyes.

"Separate your knees." He gives me an order after a while and I do so, sitting on my knees now with my legs open, exposing my groin area. I feel a shudder run through me when I feel Kanda's foot pushed into my groin area rubbing his foot in different ways and I feel myself getting hard.

"Do you want release slave?" He asks his thrusts into my mouth becoming harder. All I could do is nod my head.

"I thought so. You'll eventually get it." He snickers pulling out of my mouth his cum shooting onto my face. I sat there breathing heavily, I was then yanked to my feet and Kanda removed my own lower articles of clothes leaving me exposed now. He held tightly onto the rope and led me into the bathroom where a large bath sat. It was obvious that two people could sit in it. Kanda led me to the bath.

"Climb in and get onto your knees." He orders and I obey him doing as I was told. The water came up to my abdomen. I lowered my eyes and found them widening when I saw another silver ring there. It was easy to tell that it was recently put there. I watched as Kanda laced the rope through the ring before he stepped into the bath also getting onto his knees, one hand held onto the rope and the other was rubbing my ass sending shivers through me. I whimpered when his fingers lightly probed my hole.

"If I were you slave I'd take a breath." Before I could question my face was under the water my cheek pressed hard against the tub floor. My breath was vanishing from me as Kanda's cock slammed into me and he began thrusting. Right before I could pass out I was yanked from the water. I gasped for air taking in as much as I could. My back was pressed completely against Kanda's chest his hand not holding the rope wrapped around my neck as his mouth attacked my ear.

"Ready for the water again?" He asked, I didn't have a chance to answer before I was under the water again. This time though I felt his hand wrap around my throbbing member pumping it. He pumped it with his thrusts. I wasn't allowed out from under the water until I released. I guess he had released inside of me because the ropes and collar were removed from me and I was dragged from the tub being thrown and pinned to the closed bathroom door. Kanda attacked my mouth this time his hands grabbing onto my cheeks his tongue pushed into my mouth. And then he was just done with me and he left me to redress while he dressed and cleaned up. I took the bed by the window and just lied there hugging the pillow hiding my face in it just to suppress my sobs. The lights were turned out and I heard Kanda eventually fall into a sleep.

* * *

I laid there for a long time unmoving finally stopped of crying until I see Timcanpy flying before me motioning me to follow him. I grab my pack and follow him out onto the balcony making sure to be extra quiet. Tim opened his mouth and a projection came out of his mouth of my shishou. I was shocked to see a recording, but it was all I needed. My shishou had given me the order to run and get away. Nodding my head to Tim for him to lead the way. I jumped the balcony and landed on the ground with ease following my shishous golem through the town. We kept to the alleys when we reached the station I kept out of site especially when I saw exorcists there. I needed to stay hidden because who knew how long it'd take for Kanda to notice me gone. My arm still felt weird so I knew I still couldn't invoke it. In shishous message he had told me to just get away, to just get onto any train and get gone, he didn't care if I went to Tyki, as long as I was away from Paris I was safe. He'd find me and explain everything soon.

I sat in my hiding spot watching the trains and only once did one start moving did I begin running. It wasn't hard to get onto the train and hide. I only hoped no one at the station watched what I did. I snuck into the car and hid among the items drawing my knees up and hiding my face into them. I couldn't help as I shook, there was still a chance that I'd get caught.

"Would you like to explain why you ran to a leaving train Allen?" My head snapped up at the voice and I couldn't believe my eyes to see Sheril standing there with arms crossed, but this time instead of his tanned skin he had ash gray skin.

"Sheril what the hell?! You just left me there with that deranged drunkard exorcist you CLAIM is on our side and Road!" The next voice I knew I couldn't ever mistake. I slowly stood to my feet and Sheril moved out of the way and my eyes came into contact with Tyki's. This time though he looked very different. His tanned skin was ash gray like Sheril's, his dark hair was slicked back and he now wore a suit. Yes he looked very different, but I knew it was him. No mistake about it.

"A-Allen?" Tyki asked his posture relaxing once he saw me. I felt the shakes become worst and then I ran to him my arms wrapping around him. I couldn't help as the sobs turned hysterical.

"I think I know who Cross was ordering to escape not moments ago." I heard Sheril say.

"Shut the fuck up Sheril, Allen I need you to tell me what happened." I hear Tyki say to me, but all I could do is shake my head.

"Don't let Shishou sned me to headquarters, I don't want to go there!" I cry out.

"Allen what is your shishous name?" Tyki ask, I hear Sheril begin to protest but Tyki only growls at him. I only cry not wanting to betray Cross in anyway.

"Isn't it obvious yet Tyki on who his shishou is? Of course it is me." I'm not surprised in the least to hear Cross's voice from behind Tyki.

"Does Allen know?" Tyki then asks, his fingers combing through my hair, but unlike Kanda's his touch was soothing and warm.

"Know, but we will explain it to him when we get to Portugal. For right now you two will take over the twins room. Get him to talk. I already know what has occurred but he needs to be the one to tell you." Cross explains, after that I finally loose consciousness. I was finally safe. We were at least a 4 day train ride away from Portugal.

* * *

So I know A LOT of you are wanting to kill me about now for what I had done to poor Allen. I assure you this is the worst chapter of the story. It won't get this bad again I promise, it's only going to get better situation wise. Allen is still going to have all that trauma and shit and occasionally he will run into Kanda obviously. But yea...

Sorry it took forever to update, my grandmother died recently and I've had like 0 motivation the past week. But I am back now.

Don't forget to Review ^_^


	6. Chapter 5

If I Die Young And Cursed

Summary: This is the edited, revised and extended version to my FanFic Cursed. I felt like this needed to happen. Allen was a cursed child, abandoned by his birth parents because of his arm, cursed by his adoptive father and now he has to travel around with a maniacal man named Cross. But he knew all of it will be worth it in the end as he will be an exorcist. During his journeys with Cross he meets a boy a few years older than him and the two of them fall in love. Deep down he knows his happiness will be short lived. He just hopes to live to see old age. Poker Pair, One-sided Yullen, LxR, BxL, MexLB,

Kittenanimegirl13- Yes Bakanda will always be a Bakanda honestly. **Sighs**

Ryuakilover- You're about to hate Kanda for the next...most the chapter so be warned.

I Love Pink The Neko- I'm an evil author sometimes, my fics seem to portray the overcomings of trauma so...please forgive me for what I did to Allen. Kanda will get his punishment eventually!

Guest- Yes I am sorry about that this chapter should make up for that!

*The Fic will SLIGHTLY follow the DgrayMan original storyline but only slightly so don't expect too much.

**Majority of the chapters are in Allen's POV when POV changes I will indicate who it is.

Chapter Theme: Moon Without The Stars from Deemo Complete Collection

* * *

Chapter Five: Here by my side

My head was full of darkness when I had passed out, it was a comfortable darkness though because I could feel warmth all around me so I knew Tyki was near by or holding me. Slowly my consciousness was coming back around and I could finally hear sounds around me. There was the sound of the train wheels on the tracks, and I could hear a soft humming above me along with long thin fingers combing through me hair. The gentle touch was warm and welcoming and I only wanted it continue, but I knew I had to wake up. There were things I needed to face, things I needed to explain, and things I needed to ask. But it was the fear of those things of why I didn't wish to awake from my sleep. Opening my eyes, I slowly blink them so they could adjust to the lighting. It was a private car, I could tell by how elegant everything was. Turning my head to the left I meet the amber eyes of Tyki Mikk, they were filled with so much concern.

"Hey." He said running his knuckles up and down my scarred cheek, I could only smile weakly before I felt the tears fall again choking back a sob. I feel Tyki's arms around me immediately as he pulled me close to him.

"I know you're an exorcist. Cross already explained everything to me. Once we get through what happened to you I will explain everything about myself. Allen when you left Russia, what happened to you?" He spoke calmly to me, I feel his lips press against the top of my head.

"Cross...he told me only two people were supposed to meet me...but...but there was a third person. The original two were given his mission. I didn't think anything of it. I...I didn't realize the danger...until...until...until..." I could finish and only cried harder.

"Until what Allen, tell me what did he do?" Tyki asked, his voice was void of any emotion and his arms tightened around me keeping me in place, my face buried in his chest. I took in a deep breath from my nose letting his scent of strong cologne and cigarettes calm me. He waited patiently while I sorted out my thoughts. When I knew I was finally calm enough I let out a heavy breath.

"The boat ride, the car ride, the carriage ride and when we got to that hotel room, he continuously molested and raped me. All I wanted was you Tyki, but I was afraid of you finding out. I was afraid you would leave me the moment I told you what happened. I didn't know what to do, but I came to the decision that no matter what I was going to tell you." I finally told him and I closed my eyes tightly preparing myself for rejection. I grabbed tightly onto the front of his shirt. I could feel the lump in my throat as the minutes ticked by with him not saying anything.

"What's this exorcists name?" He finally spoke and I maneuvered my head to look up at him.

"Yuu Kanda." I answer feeling my heart race when the look of bloodlust appeared in his eyes. Everything was becoming harder to breath.

"T-Tyki?" I stammered unable to keep the fear from my voice.

"Allen stop, I will never hurt you ever!" He said finally looking down at me the bloodlust vanishing in an instant.

"You-you're not leaving m-me?" I asked.

"I will never let you go Allen, and I swear this Yuu Kanda will pay." Tyki whispered pushing my lightly till I was lying on my back and he was towering over me his hand cupping my cheek. I couldn't help the smile which spread across my face reaching up and cupping his cheek as well.

"I don't deserve you Tyki. I've lied to you and I'm so sorry about it." I say adverting my eyes away from Tyki's.

"Allen don't you're not the only who has been lying." Tyki spoke softly leaning down and resting his forehead against my own.

"I don't understand, you-you shouldn't be capable of lying Tyki." The confusion was evident in my voice. I couldn't understand what it could be that he lied about.

"Allen, I am the Noah named Joido, my human name is Tyki Mikk, there was once 14 of us but we were killed by one of our own. We are known as the children of the Millennium Earl. I am technically your enemy." I listened to Tyki as he explained to me slowly of who he was. I adverted my eyes away from Tyki's as I took in the information he gave me. I came to a decision very quickly.

"I don't care." I spoke evenly looking back into his eyes with determination. "While I was traveling that short amount of time with Yuu Kanda I continuously would tell myself...That if this was what the Order was about then I would rather switch sides and join up with the Millennium Earl than be an Exorcist. Tyki Mikk, I choose you and only you. I don't care who you are or who you work for. I would gladly die and go to hell for you." I finished telling him tilting my chin up until my lips lightly pressed onto his. I felt the smile tug against the corners of Tyki's mouth as he kissed me back. He slowly moved until he was straddling my waist both of his hands now resting onto each of my cheeks.

I felt his tongue slide along my bottom lip begging me for permission to enter. As I opened my mouth I pushed all ten of my fingers into his dark hair ruining his slicked back do. I felt like I was ascending into heaven from the feelings that were rising in my chest. Everything that had just happened to me with that samurai seemed to vanish the moment our lips touched. Tyki pulled away and just starred into my eyes they were so warm and so caring.

"Come, there are some people I wish for you to meet, and also your shishou would also like to speak with you." Tyki spoke sliding from waist standing to his feet, his hand held out to me. I looked up into his amber colored eyes and I knew from them I could always decline. Whatever I was being led to would change my entire world. If I took his hand then I would become the enemy of the Black Order of the Church and of the human race. Sitting up I adverted my eyes from his to stare at his hand and knew that my decision had to be the correct one.

"Allen, whatever you decide I will always be your lover it just means that I just won't let you die." Tyki explained to me. Closing my eyes I reached out and slid my hand into his before slowly standing to my feet.

"I already told you Tyki, if what Yuu Kanda did to me is a constant thing in the Order then I want nothing part of it. I'm ready." I say opening my eyes to see Tyki close his eyes with a smile upon his face bringing my hand up and kissing the top of it.

"Very well, shounen." He spoke softly then led me out of the room into the hallway of the room. It was light outside so I knew the sun had finally risen. I wandered if that samurai was looking for me and even if he was I knew Shishou had to of taken care of it already that explained my absence. Tyki led me down the hall until we came to the door which led to the next car.

"The entire next car is where everyone is residing, including the Millennium Earl himself, though he's out of his disguise." Tyki explained to me.

"Disguise?" I asked

"Yes that form he normally takes is just a disguise. Cross and our lord have figured it would be wiser for you to know him out of the disguise now then later. Allen, I was only briefly told of your involvement and even as brief as it was it still shocked me. They plan to go more in depth with you yet you still will not be told everything until it is the right time." Tyki explained to me and I nodded my head, Tyki nodded his head back to me then led me into the next car.

I wasn't surprised at all by its elegance fit for someone high in status. Everything was painted a warm reddish brown color. The car was set up like a home lounge area. The room was very welcoming over all, but with the thought that I'd be meeting with the Earl in his true form made me nervous. I tightened my hold on Tyki's hand and made sure I was slightly hidden behind him. I didn't know why but, I was just completely nervous about all of this.

"You needn't be afraid apprentice, no one here plans to harm you." I heard Cross's voice and I peered around Tyki to see him standing in the middle of the area. Other people were sitting here and there starring at us. I recognized Sheril immediately but other than him no one else looked familiar.

"So what do I need to be told?" I find myself asking, Tyki squeezed my hand reassuringly as I finally stepped out from behind Tyki.

"What I am about to tell you I hope you will not hate anyone. Especially Mana since he was aware of it to, so was myself, Sheril, Road and the Earl." Cross spoke stepping forward. I stood there starring at him waiting for him to continue.

"About 35 years ago your adoptive uncle Nea Walker went on a killing rampage and killed nearly everyone in the Noah family. Afterwards he barely had escaped with his life and both Nea and his older twin Mana went onto the run. That's how I met them." Cross explained and I felt very confused.

"What's that got to do with me?" I asked wandering what the 14th Noah had anything to do with me. Suddenly a man was walking forward and I felt my heart skip a beat at the utter resemblance he had to Mana.

"Allen Walker, my name is Adam and I am the Millennium Earl. I will be taking over the explanation from here. Due to the death of my family I had become quite enraged and I wanted nothing but revenge on my family member. As far as I knew Nea did not agree with what we had planned and wanted to take over as Earl to stop our plans. Do you know what those plans were?" He asked me.

"To wipe out humanity and start the world anew." I answered and I watched the Earl smile and nod his head.

"You're correct that was our plan. Now our plan is to locate the Heart of Innocence. But we'll get into that later, but to explain why Nea has anything to do with you. Well in simple terms it has everything to do with you. When Nea was killed we forgot he was the only one who knew the location of the room to keep the Ark alive. So with negotiations between myself and Cross after Mana went missing, you were chosen to house Nea's soul and become his host and eventually you'd become his replacement." Adam explained and I found myself speechless.

"What no one expected was you to fall in love with another Noah and that Noah to fall in love with you." Cross stepped in.

"And because I love all my children and everything I have heard going on between the two of you...I don't want to break that up."Adam then said and I looked up to Tyki who gave me a reassuring smile.

"Then what are going to do?" I asked looking back to Adam and Cross. Cross only smirked.

"Nea's body was taken by the order and is watched over twenty four hours a day by Chief Inspector Lvellie and his assistant Howard Link who was a former Crow member. In three months the two are coming to the Order to meet you and I know they will have Nea's body hidden somewhere. Which means in one month you and I will be going back to headquarters together along with Wisely another Noah with abilities that cannot be detected. Wisely will be posing as a new equipment type innocence accomodator and be posing as the lover you were punished for having. When they get there hopefully we have gotten you to have contact with Nea and will be able to have his soul return to his body." Cross explained the plan and I felt my mouth hang open.

"Wait what about having a someone pose as Tyki?!" Of course that was the only thing I cared about. I watch Cross sigh and cover his face with his hand.

"Only until we can get Nea completely back Allen. Don't worry I have already made out a map for Tyki to sneak in and come see you every now and then. The most Wisely and you will have to do is kiss in public." Cross explained again a glare piercing through in between his fingers and I slightly jumped back.

"Look Allen, I'm not too thrilled myself but if it ensures that we'll be together forever in the long run it's worth it." Tyki told me wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

"Alright, let's do it ." I finally gave in letting out a sigh. I wasn't liking this too much but to be with Tyki with no worries or anything then it will be worth it.

"Okay I have already told Komui that I had came for you in the middle of the night for an emergency to retrieve an innocence. No one but us and Kanda know about what he has done to you. And trust me you're gonna want to keep that to yourself as long as possible until Nea is out of your body. The reason because if for whatever reason he finds out about Nea, you have something over his head to keep his mouth shut." Cross then spoke up walking over to a cabinet and pulled a wine bottle from it. I took everything he was saying and let out a sigh. This meant for sure I'd be running into Kanda again and I needed to mentally prepare myself for it.

"Right, at least its been taken care of." I said leaning my head against Tyki.

"So what about wanting the Heart, Lord Millennium? You haven't even told us why we're after it." Tyki spoke up finally leading me over to a couch and sat us down.

"Because for years and years the Vatican and the Order have been the sole reasons why the carrier of the heart has died or has switched sides and then for being executed for being a traitor to the church. Allen Walker when I say it has everything to do with you is because your mother was the former heart before the innocence went missing again, your mother had been put to death due to betrayal. Your mother was able to be saved from death, I offered her to become part of the family. One day you will be allowed to know who she is. But at this moment Allen you are the clue to finding the Heart and the Order knows this so you must be protected." Adam explained once more and everything in the room fell silent. My eyes widened to as much as they would go before looking down into the hands in my lap.

Not only was my mother a former innocence user, but she was the container of the heart. The church had deemed her a traitor and sentenced her to death and the Earl had saved her. Which meant she was still alive. But that still left the question of who my father was and I was afraid of finding out who he was. Someone walked over and knelt in front of me place there hands onto mine. I raised my head to see the Earl looking to me with concern.

"I know what you're thinking and after Nea is out of you, I promise the rest of the truth will be told to you. When you were born it was during your mothers imprisonment and you were not born with innocence. The innocence you have actually belongs to Nea who was both a parasitic user and a Noah. So when you loose Nea, you're most likely going to loose the innocence in your arm." He told me and I knew he was being careful with what he was saying.

"How were you guys able to find me?" I asked looking up at him.

"At the time Cross was a part of the Science Division and was a very trusted person. It wasn't hard to track him down. I'm sorry what we had decided to do. We put you through so much pain." He said and I could see the sincerity in his eyes. I just didn't know how to respond to it.

"Tyki why don't you take him back to the car you two were in. I'll let you know when we will be arriving. According to Road we'll be arriving to our destination where Wisely is going to be." Adam suggested and I allowed Tyki to help me to my feet and escort me back to the room I had woken up in. Everything was in a blur and my mind would continuously go back to what I had just been told. Once in the room Tyki helped me sit on the couch we had been lying on.

"Allen please speak to me." I raised my head to see that Tyki was sitting on his knees in front of me. His face was void of anything but his eyes held so much concern. I reached out and brushed my fingers through his hair before running my fingers over his face memorizing everything that I could as I closed my eyes. He never said anything, even when I felt tears push past my closed lids and run down my cheeks. My hands fell to his shoulders and I allowed his arms to wrap around my waist and pull me into his lap his lips kissing each of my eyes. Kissing the tears away.

"Ever since I could remember, I was shunned for my arm and I hated it. But I grew to accept it because of Mana and Cross. So now that I am being told I will be loosing it saddens me. But the overall thought that I will be with you forever makes me so happy, so I don't know why I am crying." I said leaning my forehead onto his shoulder.

"Are you afraid of what will happen when you finally have to go to the Order?" He asked placing his hand gently onto the back of my head.

"Of course I'm scared! That asshole is there and I'm going to have to face him!" I couldn't help the shriek, I was so scared of all that could happen. My biggest fear is that we get caught and I loose everything and everyone I care for.

"Allen, Cross is going to make sure that Wisely and you will not ever be separated. Listen with anything that goes on between the two of you in the Order is not going to be real. You guys will not be there for very long understand? You will come back to me, and once you and I are together again you will never have to leave my side again." He said forcing me to sit up and look at him as he spoke, I tool a deep breath and gave him my best smile. I tighened the hold I had on his shirt before leaning forward and lightly kissing his lips. He was right this was one roadblock before forever.

* * *

I am sorry for such the long wait. I am not having any writers blocks or anything, but I am going through a lot right now and it's very hard to keep focused and motivated and it doesn't seem like it's going to be getting any easier. I will try to get out chapters as fast as I can so please be patient with me.


	7. Chapter 6

If I Die Young And Cursed

Summary: This is the edited, revised and extended version to my FanFic Cursed. I felt like this needed to happen. Allen was a cursed child, abandoned by his birth parents because of his arm, cursed by his adoptive father and now he has to travel around with a maniacal man named Cross. But he knew all of it will be worth it in the end as he will be an exorcist. During his journeys with Cross he meets a boy a few years older than him and the two of them fall in love. Deep down he knows his happiness will be short lived. He just hopes to live to see old age. Poker Pair, One-sided Yullen, LxR, BxL, MexLB,

 **Kittenanimegirl13-** Thank you so much for the review and things should be looking up a bit for Allen the next few chapters

 **Ryuakilover-** Well Allen will be having a break from Kanda in the next few chapters so no worries.

*The Fic will SLIGHTLY follow the DgrayMan original storyline but only slightly so don't expect too much.

**Majority of the chapters are in Allen's POV when POV changes I will indicate who it is.

Chapter Theme: I want you here by Plumb

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Chapter Six- To The Fullest

Tyki had fallen asleep with his arm wrapped around my waist soon after my mini freak out about having to face the very person who now controls my nightmares. Even with thoughts that I was going to be protected and would stay safe, I still had a fear. Something was going to go down and I wasn't sure if I was prepared for it or not. It was these thoughts that were keeping me up and if I didn't find some way to fall asleep I was going to go insane soon. Looking behind me I couldn't help but smile at how childlike Tyki looked. His skin was no longer ashen colored and because of sleeping his hair was once again in that unruly style and slightly in his face. I lifted my face up and left a feather like kiss on his cheek before somehow managing to maneuver myself out of his grip and slipped out of the private room. Maybe I could find some food and I'd be able to sleep. I just didn't know which way to take and I didn't really want to run into anyone in the car where the Millennium Earl was at.

"I knew you'd eventually venture out looking for food or something." I wasn't shocked to hear Cross behind me. He was for once not wearing his black and gold Jacket, instead he wore a pair of black leather pants with buckles running up them. He wore some sort of heavy duty boots. Judgment was holstered to his side and I was surprised to see him wearing a cream colored button up with a high collar. Both the collar and the ends of his long sleeves were a type of voluminous cuff, giving him a pirate like look. And let's not forget his black gloves, but that's not a surprise since I always wear my white ones. Also his hair wasn't down this time he had it lightly pulled back fully showing his white mask. It was pulled back like during the time when he was taking care of me after Mana died.

"I couldn't sleep and since I haven't eaten anything since before I was left with Kanda I'm kind of starved a little. I didn't want to disturb Tyki at all." I explained to my shishou and I watch him sigh before stepping away from the wall he was leaning on and walking over putting his arm around my shoulders loosely. It was rare to see Cross's softer side, but it wasn't non-existant.

"Also with what we found in your system, it's astonishing that your innocence is even in working condition. Though I doubt you can invoke right now and I don't advise you either for at least another few days to ensure that whatever he gave you is entirely out of your system and we get you properly fed. Just please don't eat the entire stock of food on the train." Cross joked at the end of his lecture, and here I was to assume he didn't know how to joke around when being serious.

"I didn't plan to Cross, just a plate or two and then I'll head back to the room Tyki and I are in to try and get some sleep. We all know I probably need it." I explained to him watching my feet as we walked along the train car in the opposite direction of the private car Tyki had taken me to. I didn't mind being around the other Noah's but the Earl himself intrigued me and I would just rather not be alone near him.

"You're not sleeping because you're scared Allen, and I haven't seen you this afraid since when you faced your official first Akuma back in India when your friend there became one. Maybe in this situation your fear is even worst, because this time you don't know how to face it. Sadly you can't just up and destroy what you fear. Not saying that you fear Kanda himself but you fear the fact of what he is capable of doing to you and that is not an easy fear to overcome." Every word Cross spoke hit me like a knife stabbing into my chest. I knew he was right, but I ignored the panic that wished to rise up into my chest. I didn't want to cry again.

"Cross I don't think now is the right time to bringing that up to him." The female voice behind us was unfamiliar, but I recognized her from inside the private car when Tyki took me to speak to Cross and the Earl. She wore a formal suit and had thin blonde hair pulled back into a low pony. She wore a simple black suit.

"Evening Lulu Bell." Cross greeted curtly, and the woman only smirked.

"I'll take him from here because knowing you, you'll only upset him more." Her smile was sweet but you could see the wickedness behind it very easily.

"Whatever you say, I will leave him with you. But tomorrow I do want to begin his training on how to locate Nea." Cross explained, his arm fell from my shoulders and I looked between him and Lulu Bell both. Lulu Bell seemed like she wanted to hurt Cross for some reason, but I wasn't going to ask why. Cross simply walked away back to the way we came and disappeared into a room.

"Now Mr. Walker, accompany me to the dining car?" She asked, her voice sweet as she walked towards me and held her hand out like she was reaching out to a child. I gave her a small smile back before shakily reaching out and taking her hand. The walk to the dining car was silent, but it was a comfortable peace. I got nothing but positive vibes from Ms. Lulu Bell. It was almost a familiar vibe but I didn't think too much on it. We arrived to the dining car and Lulu Bell led me to where they had a buffet table out and she handed me a plate. I made sure not to pile my food on too high just enough where I knew I'd be satisfied for the night then I followed Lulu Bell to an empty table.

"I'm sorry if everything seems so intimidating Allen. We didn't want you to meet us on these circumstances. We didn't wish for you to be thrown blindly into such a lifestyle. For that I deeply apologize." She said to me reaching across the small round table resting her hand onto my left wrist.

"It's not your fault Ms. Lulu Bell, things happen for a reason and it can't be helped. I'm just happy to have met Tyki and I am happy to know that one day soon I will be able to know my family." I replied looking down into my lap.

"Your mother and father love you very much Allen and can't wait to get to know you." She said before sitting back and beginning to eat her small salad. I couldn't help but look at her and see how peaceful her face looks at the moment.

"Do you know my mother?" I find myself asking eating my food here and there. I didn't wish to sit in complete silence. Especially if I didn't have to.

"I know her very well actually and she's very excited to see you again." She told me plopping a grape into her mouth.

"I'm excited to see her to actually...Um, Ms. Lulu Bell could I ask you something?" I ask, the dreaded question plaguing my mind.

"I cannot tell you who she is. And I cannot tell you who your father is either, though at this moment it is very obvious of who he is Allen. You were not given up because they didn't love you, but because they believed you'd be safer, but it only proved to be the other way around." She answered my questions before I could even ask them.

"H-how did you know I was going to ask those?" I asked my eyes widened slightly.

"Because I can see the hurt and confusion in your eyes. Also, those are the questions I've always wanted to ask the parents who abandoned me. I never got my answers, but I will make sure yours do get answered." She explained lifting her hand and pulled the dark shaded glasses from her face setting them onto the table. Like the other Noah's she too had amber colored eyes, but you could see a bit of silver in them.

"Ms. Lulu Bell..." I wasn't able to get the rest of the words out and she only gave me a smile.

"The only person who can really answer anything for you is Nea. He's been inside of you for a very long time." She said then sighed.

"My visit with you is over, if you ever wish to talk again just come find me. I'll be lurking by." She told me and got up grabbing her unfinished fruit salad. I was about to ask why she was leaving me alone but Sheril took the seat across from me two coffees in hand setting one by my plate.

"I wanted to see how you are before Tyki finds you. Road has him on a wild goose chase looking for you." Sherril smiled, I couldn't help but sigh.

"Teasing him isn't nice, but I'm fine just sorting out a lot of thoughts is all. Sheril, I trust my shishou and all but how would I go about finding Nea?" I asked and I watched him sigh.

"It's something you have to do on your own. I don't know how Cross is going to go about training you. That's why we were going to go get Wisely, if you can't figure it out yourself then Wisely can forcefully unlock him and then you can communicate with him and let him know the update." Sheril explained to me then began to smile sheepishly and I turned around to see a very flustered Tyki standing there huffing and puffing.

"So did Road give you the slip?" Sheril asked and Tyki only growled out before coming over and pulling me up into his arms hugging onto me. His face was buried into my neck his arms tightening their hold around me.

"I thought I lost you again when I couldn't find you." His voice was slightly muffled but I understood him still.

"You will never lose me Tyki. I'm right here." I whisper wrapping my arms around Tyki reassuring him that I was okay. "I was hoping you'd still be asleep when I got back, I was a bit hungry." I find myself giggling.

"Come brother have a seat I will go get you a cup of coffee." Sheril said getting up and walking back towards where they served coffee. I took my seat and Tyki took the one by me holding onto my left hand.

"I'm sorry if I scared you." I apologized before taking another bite of my food. Tyki had his head laid onto the table breathing heavily.

"It's fine just next time tell me where you're going." He said and I could only smile.

"I promise." I said giving his hand a light squeeze.

Eating didn't take long after that and Sheril was accompanying us back to the room we were staying at on the train. Both him and Tyki were discussing things in Portuguese and I walked behind them a bit to allow them some privacy. It was nice seeing them interact even though Sheril would take it too far from time to time. We were nearing the train car Tyki and I stayed in when I heard a faint voice. I had stopped and began looking around, the other two hadn't noticed I was falling behind.

 _ **Allen!**_

My head snapped around and I looked out the window. I couldn't help but jump back at the person I saw standing there next to my reflection, before I could even scream out the pull on my consciousness became strong and I found the world around me becoming black. I didn't even feel the impact as I collapsed. When my vision came back I was no longer on the train anymore but in a strange world with a crescent moon which looked to be falling to pieces. I wrapped my arms around myself and walked down the only path before me. I didn't know why I was brought here and I wish I could run into Tyki's arms. He must be worried after I collapsed and is probably panicking.

"Cross doesn't have to worry about training you on how to wake me up. I was never asleep to begin with." I froze at the voice and spun around to see a man standing there before me. He had black spikey hair, ashen gray skin and those amber colored eyes. He looked very similar to Tyki. He wore a white dress shirt covered by a black sleeveless vest and black slacks and on top of that was a beige colored trench coat.

"A-Are you Nea?" I find myself asking making sure to keep my distance from the person. Just from his skin I could tell he was part of the Noah family, but I had to be sure first.

"Yes I am Allen and I am not here to hurt you. I want to tell you that when you and Wisely accompany Cross to the Black Order that I will be there to help you through it. I will not allow that samurai to harm you in such a way again." Nea said walking towards me, I only stood there watching him. At this point I was no longer afraid as he approached me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders hugging me close to him.

"Nea is the innocence in my arm…is it actually yours?" I find myself asking resting the side of my head onto his chest. I felt his fingers brush through my hair.

"Yes it is and so long as you are my host you will have this arm to protect you." He spoke quietly. I closed my eyes hiding the disappointment in my eyes.

"When you wake I'll lose the innocence and be useless, won't I?" I asked, I wasn't able to hide my disappointment.

"Nonsense, you have your other innocence. It just hasn't woken up yet because I am in you." He spoke calmly. I could only nod my head. I felt safe in this mans arms, he felt like family. So did the other Noah's but him more so just like the Lord Millennium and Lulu Bell. I felt impatient waiting for us to get to his body so he could wake up.

"I trust you Nea, just like how I trust everyone else. I found the family I've been missing." I could feel the tears in my eyes. I didn't even try to stop them from falling.

"I promise when I am woken up again in my body, you'll never have to be alone ever again. I promised your father I'd keep watch over you, and I will see that to the end. Now I must send you back, Tyki must be freaking out right about now." He chuckled connecting the mindscape to the outside world. Sure enough you could hear Tyki's voice loudly yelling for me to wake up. In the background I could hear Road trying to console him and not shout too much. I could only smile.

I felt Nea's presence vanish and the mindscape landscape also faded away. Around me was nothing but blackness golden firefly balls of light floating up past me. All I could feel is nothing but warmth. I closed my eyes and reached my hand out until I felt soft flesh under my fingertips. When I opened my eyes again I was out of my mindscape and back on the train. My hand was gently caressing Tyki's cheek and I only smiled up at him.

"I thought I lost you, you weren't responding. *Eu te amo tanto." He whispered leaning his forehead onto mine. For some reason I could understand the words he spoke to me in Portuguese. It felt as if I had spoken it before.

"**Eu sempre voltarei para você." I whispered back to him tilting my head slightly and softly pressed my lips to his. I felt his arms tightly wrap around my waist pulling me close to him.

* * *

 **Cross POV**

"So when do you plan to tell him the truth. No scratch that…when do you plan to tell Tyki and Allen both the truth?" I leaned my back against the car wall lighting up a cigarette. I watched and waited for Adam to answer me.

"The truth that about what really happened? On how everyone died and how Nea really lost his soul and ended up in Allen? I don't think that is wise Cross. It would change everything and we'd be facing the same horrors we did fifty years ago." Adam answered with a heavy sigh, his eyes were full of sadness and regret.

"Mana did us a favor watching over him while everyone began to reawake. Only ones with no memory are those two. Why don't you wish to tell them? It's not like Allen is working for the order again." I brought up exhaling the smoke from the cigarette.

"It's because The Ark will not allow the two of them to fully be with one another. When Nea returns Allen might vanish, we all did what he had to stop it from happening last time. This time is no different Cross. Allen is not real, and I have no plans to destroy that image in both his and Tyki's mind again. So I ask you please don't say anything." Adam spoke before turning away and heading back to the room he was staying.

I took another drag from what Allen calls my cancer stick and looked to the two. It was very obvious they loved one another, so I understood what Adam was saying. Seeing the smile on Allen's face I wander what Nea had told him. I know by now he knows his innocence Crown Clown is not his, but belongs to Nea, the first Noah to possess innocence. Then there is Allen, up until now had been a complete enigma. The boy wasn't even real and I began to wander if we would have to watch Lulu Bell break all over again.

Closing my eyes I turned as well and followed Adam. This wasn't the time to bring darkness upon everyone once more.

* * *

YAY! It's about time I got on with this once more. Sorry for such the giant delay. After my move I went through some really emotional things. I'm still getting over some of it but it's at a livable level now. But yea thanks for the patience!

*I love you so much

**I will always come back to you


	8. Chapter 7

If I Die Young And Cursed

Summary: This is the edited, revised and extended version to my FanFic Cursed. I felt like this needed to happen. Allen was a cursed child, abandoned by his birth parents because of his arm, cursed by his adoptive father and now he has to travel around with a maniacal man named Cross. But he knew all of it will be worth it in the end as he will be an exorcist. During his journeys with Cross he meets a boy a few years older than him and the two of them fall in love. Deep down he knows his happiness will be short lived. He just hopes to live to see old age. Poker Pair, One-sided Yullen, LBxRK, BakxLL, MexLB,

 **KittenAnimeGirl13-** I am back once again lol, so many new things and writers block sucks lol xD

***TRIGGER WARNINGS-Return of Kanda***

Chapter Theme(s)- Silent Scream by Anna Blue, Breaking Point by DbA, Closer Cover by Boyce Avenue Feat Sarah Hyland

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Chapter Seven: Lost happiness and Found reassurance

The ceiling above me was a cream in color and very comforting. We had been in London now for quite a few days and we still haven't been able to find Wisely. With my poor sense of direction Tyki forbade me from leaving anyone's side for too long. Mainly because we weren't that far from the Black Orders Headquarters. We originally had started our search in Portugal but it was only a dead end and we tracked Wisely here to London, back to the place where my nightmares began. So, honestly I haven't really left this room at the fancy hotel we were staying at. Everyone else was out searching for Wisely.

I hadn't told anyone that I had begun conversing with Nea now and well I had been avoiding being around Cross. Something didn't quite feel right to me about Nea being inside of me and from where I knew how to speak Portuguese. When Tyki and Sheril want to try and talk so no one knows what they're saying, I can understand it a lot more now, but I haven't said anything about that either. That time on the train he figured that it was just a one time moment. Sitting up in the bed I looked out the window and saw a light rain had begun to fall. I figured I should get out of bed and dressed for when everyone returned. It was already close to lunch time.

I stepped off of the bed and was only able to take a step forward when everything around me went completely black. Those golden firefly lights appearing once more, but it was then I was able to figure something out. The lights they were now representing people. Blinking my eyes everything reverted back to normal and I rushed to get changed. It was my normal long sleeved white button up shirt, black dress slacks with my black vest and red ribbon. Timcanpy flew over and landed onto the top of my head and I rushed out of the room, not bothering with an umbrella or coat. I focused and was beginning to see the lights inside of the people, I guessed if it was someone with innocence the light would be a greenish color, and if it was someone of the Noah family then a dark purple like color.

I took the back steps out of the hotel just in case they were returning home, I don't know why I was going at this alone, but I needed to try. The back alleys were going to be my best way to get far fast without getting caught. Also I was following a light which was flashing purple and avoiding a group of green lights. I needed to be very careful especially if a Noah was awakening. The exorcists would try to kill them, and I didn't want to lose anyone a part of my family.

"Timcanpy find Cross and the others and lead them to me. I think Wisely or someone else is awakening. Tell them there are other exorcists nearby!" I ordered and I watched him fly off into the sky, I would need to stay out in the open if he were to find me again. I ran out of the alley and shot across the street. I know that the exorcists were down the ways from me, but I just needed to hope they hadn't seen me at all. I cut through other alley ways so much that by the time I stopped I had no idea where I was at and I could see the green lights rushing up from behind me. I could only inwardly curse especially when I turned to see one of the exorcists was Kanda and the other was Lavi along with some female exorcist.

"Allen? What're you doing here and where's the fire?!" Lavi was so excited to see me he ran over and practically tackled me to the ground with a hug.

"Lavi, don't kill the pipsqueak." I heard Kanda's taunting voice and it only sent shivers up my spine. The red haired teen helped me up off the wet ground and turned to pout at the other two.

"Now to answer the questions kid." Kanda smirked crossing his arms. I couldn't help it when my eyes just stayed blank, emotionless.

"I'm here with my Master, General Cross Marian. As for the reasoning it is classified strictly between him and I about my mission." I replied mechanically, his smirk dropped and his brows squinted as he glared at me, but it wasn't long before his smirk returned.

"I see, well have you done what I advised you to do and broken off your relationship with that boyfriend of yours?" He asked, I watched Lenalee and Lavi both turn their heads to avoid looking at me. This could turn bad, this meant they knew what he could do to me and they would not do a thing if he chose to. Straightening my shoulders I raised my eyes and locked them directly with his keeping them blank and fearless.

"No I haven't. And no matter what you do to me Kanda I will never belong to you. Do your worst I don't care!" I shouted, I found Lenalee and Lavi's eyes both on me in shock that I was choosing to stand up against the orders decisions and up against Kanda. And the look in Kanda's eyes told me something bad was about to happen.

"Lavi, Lenalee continue the search for the Innocence fragment I will meet back up with you. If you run into Cross tell him I will return Allen to him soon." He said walking over to me and grabbing my hair at the back of my neck and yanking my head back.

"Kanda don't go too harsh on him please." The girl Lenalee spoke meekly before her and Lavi hurried off. I was dragged by Kanda into one of the abandoned buildings we were behind dragging me up many flights of stairs. I hissed in pain when I was forcefully faceplanted onto the table in one of the vacant rooms. My hands and legs began to shake and I closed my eyes.

"Why are you so fucking stubborn you piece of shit?! You could be free from this pain!" Kanda shouted at me his elbow landing into the middle of my back then threw me to the floor. I let out a scream of pain twitching from how much it hurt. Tears sprung from my eyes and I tried to get to my feet, but Kanda's foot connected with my stomach knocking me a few feet away onto my side. Blood coughed out of my mouth and I swear I heard a few ribs crack. There was so much pain it was unbearable.

"Fuck…you!" I managed to spat out using the wall behind me to stand back up to my feet. Kanda rushed at me and I attempted take a swing at him. But he was so much quicker, my wrists were forced high above my head. Another screaming tearing from my throat when a curved knife was stabbed through both my hands into the wall.

"I warned you it was only going to get worst the more you refuse to break it off with that person." He said pushing his fingers through his now let down hair. "But you know, even if you choose to I think I am going to keep you as my personal pet. I will continue to break you until the day you die." He continued reaching out and lightly wrapped his hand around my neck. I knew what was coming and once again I couldn't stop it. And I couldn't stop it when his mouth come upon mine forcing his tongue into mine. I heard his free hand messing with the buckle of his pants and I heard a clunk hit the floor and then he was removing my own pants with ease. Both his hands grabbed under my thighs and lifted my legs up so he could plunge into me. His mouth upon mine swallowed up the scream. Once again I hadn't been prepared. Everything just hurt and with every thrust it only brought out screams of pain.

It didn't last as long as it did all the other times and he left me lying there on the floor after redressing me and himself. I vaguely heard tell me he'd send Cross a message of my location, but I knew he wouldn't. My hand shook from the amount of pain they were in and it was also a bit hard to breath. I could hear Nea shouting in the back of my mind for quite a while before I finally succumbed to the darkness opening my eyes to see myself laying on the ground held in his arms rocking side to side. He didn't say anything and ran his hand through my hair. I lifted my hands which were also bloodied in my mind and grabbed onto the tan jacket of his like my life depended on it. When reality finally hit me I couldn't stop the scream which tore from my throat.

Nea continued to rock me keeping me held tightly to him as he gently made shushing noises. The trauma of what Kanda did to me was much worst than before. I curled my knees into my chest and buried my face into the others chest. It stayed like this until I finally pulled out of my mind and woke up finding myself being carried on the back of someone else. This person, he also had white hair like me. I focused my eyes to my hands and saw they had been bandaged up.

"I did what I can for you Allen, once we find the others we will get you more extensive medical care." I heard the other speak, he sounded to be the same age as me.

"Are you…Wisely?" I asked, my voice was blank again but it was also strained from the screaming I had done inside of my mind.

"Yes I am, my ability is mind reading, control and manipulation. I chose after I finally found you to stop. I had a feeling you needed that alone moment with Nea so you could get some sort of bearing when finally meeting up with the others again." He spoke softly continuing with walking down the street. We were nearing the hotel, how I knew was because I saw everyone out in front of it Cross and Tyki yelling at one another. I buried my face into the back of Wisely's neck my hands tightening their grip on his shirt at his shoulders. I didn't wish for them to know, and I had no clue if Kanda had even contacted my master. I felt wisely stop walking the arguing now at its loudest. The argument was over me not being found and also from them leaving me behind by myself. So I guessed they actually didn't know I had met up with Kanda.

' _I will leave it up to you to tell them the truth Allen. You can't hide this if you do it'll only hurt your psyche more. Besides if you don't Nea plans to._ ' I heard Wisely's voice inside of my head, I slightly lifted my head when I felt Wisely nod his head to someone. I saw Lord Millennium had finally noticed us. He easily got around everyone and over to the both of us.

"I will allow you to handle the others Wisely, I will take Allen from here." He said quietly, he carefully lifted me from Wisely's back and cradled me in his arms easily getting back into the hotel without anyone else seeing. I had turned my head and buried my face into his chest, just like I had done with Nea. The tears came back and I bit my lip fighting back the sobs.

"We're almost to you and Tyki's room Allen, you can let everything out soon." I heard him say gently placing his hand onto my head, hiding my face from view. My shoulders violently shook and it eventually went through my whole body. Lord Millennium opened the door to mine and Tyki's room and shut it behind us with his foot and carried me to the bathroom where he sat me on the counter. His arms wrapped around me and I let the sobs out. My hands were hovering a bit over my legs and they were shaking so much. Lord Millennium unwrapped one of his arms from me and gently took both my hands into his.

"Allen I'm not going to ask what happened to you yet, but I think I already know who did this to you. What I need from you right now Allen is for you to shower then show me the physical damage. Until you're bandaged up it will only be me near you unless you say otherwise for someone to be with you." He spoke calmly taking a step back having me look up at him.

"I-I c-can't…I d-don't want t-to…b-be s-seen." My voice shook and I nodded my head side to side. I didn't want Tyki to see me this way again.

"Allen…"He was going to say more and I broke into hysterics again.

"Why can't I stop him from hurting me?! Why can't I fight back?!" I was almost screaming and I attempted to dig my fingers into my skull. I couldn't help but flinch and scoot away from Lord Millennium when he reached for me again to calm me down.

"Allen I need you t-…" He never finished his sentence when Tyki suddenly ran into the room Wisely close behind him trying to stop him. I knew he was going to shout at him to get out, but it never got that far. My entire wall of defense crumbled once more in front of everyone.

" _Don't look at me!_ " I screamed so loud and I felt a spark ripple from my skin. I had covered my ears a doubled over in hopes to hide myself. I heard glass shattering behind and above me. The glass showered around me and the room went dark.

"No one….move." I heard Wisely speak slowly, my eyes were still open and went a light was brought back into the room I heard multiple voices gasp. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone and go away.

* * *

 _ **Tyki's POV:**_

Timcanpy had begun to emit light from himself and none of us were expecting the floating glass surrounding Allen. I knew this wasn't from his innocence and I questioned how he could be doing, because it was obviously subconsciously. His eyes were open wide and panic filled, any quick movement could set him off. Our Lord Millennium was the closest to him but even he looked very torn on what to do to help Allen. I took a careful step forward ignoring Road behind me.

"Allen…?" I asked slowly lifting my hands up to show him I didn't want to harm him. His eyes lifted to stare into mine. The glass slowly turned pointing their points directly at me.

"Tyki what the _hell_ are you thinking?!" I heard Cross hiss at me from behind. I felt it wise to ignore him.

"Listen to me Allen, no one is going to hurt you. _I'm_ not going to hurt you. You don't have to tell anyone what happened we just want to heal you." I explained to him taking another careful step towards him. I froze when a shard of glass shot past me and I heard Cross curse out.

"*Maldito seja Cross, não se mova! Ele não é estável e vai nos matar de sua estupidez!" I heard Sheril yell at Cross in Portuguese I felt my arm twitch.

"** _Pare!_ Eu entendo tudo o que dizes, droga!"Allen shouted right back wrapping his arms tightly around his shoulders. "I'm not going to kill anyone…I want to be alone." The anger in his voice dissipated and he sounded like he was begging. I heard Lulu Bell say his name sadly. I dropped my arms and and just walked to him ignoring the shards of glass. I used the back of my hands to push them to the side until was able to wrap my arms around my boyfriend.

"No you won't kill us Allen. You're scared and you're hurt. If you want we will leave so you can collect yourself." I whispered to him, I heard the glass clatter onto the counter and floor.

"I…I can't do this anymore…don't make me go near him!" His screams filled the bathroom. I looked to Lord Millennium and he nodded his head before ushering everyone out of the room then came back. I watched him wave his hand the dark matter repairing the mirror and lights.

I carefully lifted Allen to sitting up and began to unbutton his shit, his head was downcast and tears still rapidly fell from his eyes. He refused to look up at either Lord Millennium or I. Even when Kanda had attacked him the first time he wasn't afraid to be near us. I pushed the vest and shirt from his shoulders and watched it crumble around him on the counter. He refused to allow anyone to unwrap his bandaged his hands. Looking at his chest I fought the anger building up in my chest seeing the dark bruises on his ribcage.

"Allen…" He only nodded his head to the unasked question. He had been raped again so I didn't need to ask him to remove his pants. Besides I knew he wouldn't comply and I refused to force him. I leaned my forehead forward and rested it onto his. Last was his hands and he knew it but we waited for Lord Millennium to finish healing his ribs.

"Tyki, I don't want to go to the Black Order Headquarters even if Wisely is posing as you. It won't stop him." He whispered, his voice filled with so much fear.

"We're not going to send you in until you're able to protect yourself Allen. And Lulu Bell will also be accompanying you in her cat form for extra protection." I explained to him, no one could blame Allen for his fear of not wanting to go. I reached down and gently took one of his hands into mine and began to gently unwrap the bandages. Once they were removed I wet a washcloth with lukewarm water and began to wipe the blood from his hand. Once I was done I moved to the other one. It wasn't until I was done cleaning both of his hands did I finally assess the damage done.

There were two slits in the middle of his palms which exited the back of his hands. I knew exactly how they were made. I gently ran my thumbs over them before lifting both of his hands kissing each wound. When I looked back up at Allen his eyes were wide in shock. I knew he wasn't expecting for me to do that. Lord Millennium took his hands and it wasn't long until the dark matter healed his hands.

"Get him showered Tyki I will keep everyone else away from you two." Lord Millennium said before leaving the restroom. I placed a finger against Allen's lips before he could say or ask me anything. I took both of his hands into mine and gently pulled him until he was standing on the floor with me. I wrapped one arm loosely around his waist and pulled him close my other hand caressing his cheek. I began to lightly sway side to side resting my cheek a top his head when he rested his head onto my chest, my other arm wrapping around his shoulders.

"I promise never again will you be hurt. Even though I'm not going to be with you in that place, I won't be far." I whispered to him just swaying side to side. I looked down to see Allen starring up at me with wide curious eyes. Just how I had first met him during that snow storm in that library. Slowly I began swaying and moving at the same time until both of us were at the walk in shower. I kept one arm around Allen as I opened the door and turned the shower knob to warm. I watched Allen as he hesitantly reached up and began to unbutton my shirt pushing it from my shoulders when it was completely open. His fingers traced over the curves on my chest and down to the curves of my abdomen. Careful and precise touches. I reached down undoing the front of his pants. As I expected his hands shot up and grabbed my wrists.

"We're not going to do anything, just shower." I reassured him leaning my head down and kissing his forehead. He only nodded his head. From that moment I got us in and out of the shower and dressed for bed. He was quiet the entire time waiting for me to dress. I found him standing in front of the window starring off when I came out of the bathroom.

"Allen?" I asked, he lowered his head a bit before turning to face me.

"I…I screwed up today d-didn't I?" He asked me his voice stuttering less this time. I reached my hand out to him. Allen looked around a bit before walking over to me and grabbing my hand. I smiled softly to him and pulled him into my arms.

"Only if you're up for it you can explain why you had decided to leave the hotel and I will tell you. But right now no it's not your fault." I told him the truth, I didn't want to give any kind of false hope. He looked thoughtful for a moment before he began to speak he explained to me about how he can see colored lights in people. Gold for normal people, green for exorcists and a purple for us Noah. He explained how he saw Wisely changing into a Noah and he went looking, Allen told me everything including what Kanda did to him. By the time he had finished he was in another fit of tears. I wrapped one arm around his waist and the other around his shoulders once more and began to sway again, kissing the top of his head.

"None of this is your fault Allen. Let's get you to sleep alright?" I asked him and he nodded his head letting me lead him to the bed. The moment we laid down he was curled up into my side a tiny yawn escaping him. I made a promise and I intend to keep it. Never again will he be left in a position where he can't protect himself.

* * *

So I have had this chapter typed now for weeks! Weeks! But because I live on a big truck with my boyfriend we don't always have internet. LOL. I am doing better and from now on I plan to post 3-4 chapters a month since I am only at Wifi once a month. So this should be moving forward more swiftly now and soon it will reveal what Cross and Adam were talking about in chapter 6

* Damn it Cross, do not move! He is not stable and will kill us from your stupidity!

** Stop it! I understand everything you say, damn it!


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